Bäahal x Jaime : a broken heart

Bäahal x Jaime: a broken heart

A/N : since we agreed on what's to come next, here's a little in-between scene to highlight Bäahal's mind.

Xxxxx

Victory had a lingering bittersweet taste on it. Her sister won the « last war », she defeated Cersei and finally sat on the throne. Years of suffering, sacrifices, and pain were finally rewarded with the ultimate reward: Daenerys took back what was rightfully hers. She reclaimed the throne her family lost when Robert rebelled, she broke the wheel... or did she? Through the nightly conversation she had with Jon Snow and the future that lied ahead of them, Bäahal realized that it would not be as easy as it seemed to be. Daenerys would have to win the hearts and minds of the survivors, the nobles -since they had the riches- and the commoners. The war against the Night King somehow, helped the Northerners realize that she didn't have to help them but did so anyway. She fought alongside them and the weeks spent together helped them see her under a new light but it wasn't enough to convince everyone of her good nature. Jon anticipated this and told Bäahal that it would take some time, to convince most of Westeros of the goodwill of the queen and to have them accept change.

People hated change. They hated what they couldn't understand. Bäahal felt it every single time her eyes met with northerners. She saw disgust and fear in the eyes of her sister's subjects. People of King's Landing was not used to people like her. More than the fact she was a Targaryen, it was her darker complexion that had them perplexed, superstitious, distant. When she told Jon she wanted to explore Westeros, meet the people her sister was ruling and have them demystify the queen and Targaryens in general. He advised her not to go on her own, for people would not be very welcoming after the last War. He told her that he couldn't stop her from leaving and understood her desire to break free and figure herself out, but he was worried and he knew Daenerys would be worried as well. How right the white wolf was! How hard it proved to be to try and talk to people. Despite having two guards of local ethnicity accompany her, she was met with contempt for the « Targaryen » offspring, when it wasn't utter disgust and fear. People refused to have her come closer to them and with time, Bäahal chose to put some distance between people and her,

The journey was hard, harder than she expected, but she was grateful it took her away from King's Landing, where she didn't belong. Daenerys had a lot on her plate already with those nobles who wanted her to follow the old rules. She was to marry one fo them, a man with lands and a title and not the man she was in love with. Not Jon Snow. She was to make alliances, and each and every of her decision had to be carefully considered. One wrong move and she would be jeopardizing her hard work and sacrifices made for the greater cause. In order to appease each and everyone, meetings had to take place. They rejected change, Jon warned Bäahal, so Change had to come to them slowly but surely. Staying in the castle did no good to the princess who felt like she was suffocating between those brick walls. She felt trapped and forced to stay with her thoughts. Weeks after the end of the last war, she was going through an existential crisis. Now that her main goal was achieved -To have her sister on the throne-, what was left to do? Who was she going to be? Her newfound freedom was overwhelming and the realm of possibilities it opened to her was blinding the young woman. She had no clues of her identity, if not just the strong desire to be free and to decide for herself. She followed Daenerys, she fought by her side and now... and now what?

The princess allowed her body to sink into the hot bathtub that was prepared for her. She was tired of all those days spent riding her horse, going from small village to small village. Her skin was filthy from all the mud and dust from her ride and wanted nothing more but to be clean again. She laid her head against the metal and stared at the ceiling. Lord Jaime. Ever since the end of the war, she kept thinking of him. Throughout the fight, the ebony princess kept wishing he would have had the death he wanted: together with Cersei. Unfortunately, her worst nightmare came true. Cersei died and he survived his twin sister. At first, she thought they were rumors, but Bäahal was confronted with the reality of said rumors. Jaime survived. He had been imprisoned by Cersei upon his return for treason and did not participate in the last war. He never had the opportunity to be by her side when Death collected her soul he never had the opportunity to say goodbye. She died alone. He let it happen because she locked him up beforehand. It became an obsession of hers, to try and find Jaime Lannister and give him a proper burial, should he be dead, or help him overcome his grief. Her guts kept telling her that he was alive, somewhere in Westeros and she had to search for him.

She might not know who she really was, but she knew she was a woman of her word. Before they parted ways, they promised each other to give the other an honorable death. The war was over, but he survived it, so she had to keep her promise. She had to find him and make sure he has the death he deserved. Bäahal never really came to terms with the feelings she had for the knight. Those quiet but powerful feelings that grew over time were overwhelming. She was well aware that the man who kissed her that night didn't exist anymore. At the thought of it, the princess growled her frustration and sank into the bathtub a little more, it could all stop right there....she had fulfilled her destiny after all, hadn't she? What else could she be doing now that she was free? Why was she so scared of life? Princesses always wanted the same thing, after all. They wanted to have a family of their own. They dreamed of marrying a prince, having children....Bäahal should strive for this, shouldn't she? Marrying, procreating...raising children her mother would be proud of. She would choose her mate, find someone good who would treat her right...help others. Marry Jaime Lannister! The thought had her sit back on the tube and shake her head. Her hand clenched above her chest as she was trying to breathe again. This was an impossible dream...Deep down, she knew it so why was she still dreaming about the impossible? Should she truly care for him, the only thing she could do was to find him, help him get his Pride back and die like a true knight.... if anything else failed. If anything else failed...

She leaned both arms against the bathtub and started to sob quietly. Why was her heart so stupid? Why was it breaking into million pieces as soon as she thought of Jaime Lannister? What did the man do to make her feel that way? She had butterflies when thinking of him, she wanted to see him again, see the man who left Winterfell to join the woman he was in love with. She wanted to see him again and comfort him... She wanted to help him see that he had a future, a brighter future... with her and that selfish thought was both driving her and destroying her at the same time. Tyrion told her that Jaime was like poison. The more she would think of him, the worst she would feel. He warned her about the dangers of love and yet here she was, falling for the golden Lion... falling so hard that she knew she would break as soon as her body would hit the truth. She would break...But the risk was worth the pain. After all, wasn't what Love was about? Protecting the other? Saving the other? Making sure he was happy? Should death be what he wanted, then she would deliver it to him. Wasn't it what love was about? So why was she breaking away?

-TBC-