COLBY: Drunken stupor

Mary watched Tom, a silent observer of his drunken stupor. She was no stranger to these meltdowns. She was no stranger to watching Tom spiral into the abyss. He would spend days locked in his office, drinking bottle after bottle until he couldn't stand up anymore. She was no stranger to his drunken rambles, where Tom was talking to the wind and the spirits that inhabited his office. He would talk, yell, and cry out loud his despair. Everyone tried to keep Charlie away from his father, but the young boy managed to sneak into his office one morning, only to find his father slumped against his desk, a cigarette in his hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other. It felt like a fever dream to Tom, so he considered that it never did. Tom didn't even try to hide when he was in an alcoholic daze. He simply wanted to drown his sorrows and the voices he heard in his head. 

When Tommy was like this, it felt as if he was out of his body. He could see what was happening, but couldn't control his own body. Words left his mouth before he could stop them, and all he could do was stare at the people he was hurting. How many times did he watch Mary's face take his venom without saying a word? How many times did he watch the pain on her face when he lashed out at her? How many times did he scream internally at her not to listen to his drunken rambles? He had lost count. He couldn't even remember them well, but they always played the same. He would break her heart, and she would do her best to hold back her tears. He would watch her sit next to him and grab his hand. He would listen to the hum of lullabies to soothe his heart. He would try to push her away, lash out again, and finally, would break down in tears and end up in her arms. Still, as soon as he sobered up, he remembered that he had hurt his woman. Despite the tears shed, the screams he let out, and the suffocating atmosphere that nearly choked them out, Mary remained by his side. Why did he put her through this? Why did he keep hurting Mary? 

Mary watched Tom, a silent observer of his drunken stupor. She knew what it was to hit rock bottom, for she went there after the loss of her son.  Mary drank herself to sleep, to such a degree that she would have been dead, had it not been for the intervention of her coworker at the time. She knew what it was to cry for help, to hallucinate the voice of her child, to believe that the whole world was against her.  She knew how it felt to be left at the brink of sanity. She couldn't understand what he went through because she never went to war, but she knew the weight of loss. She knew that those who came back from the trenches never came back the same. She could understand why he wouldn't be fully there at times. She could understand why he would crumble the way he did, and she didn't judge him. Did he hurt her? Yes. All the time when he was in such a state, and she knew that maybe some of his words came from deep within him and he thought them, but couldn't bring himself to say them when sober. Did he make her cry? Yes. Not all the time, but only when she couldn't take it anymore. Did she argue with him? Not when he was in this state.  She opted out of having a fight with him and instead always sat by his side and chose to comfort him. 

That night, like all those drunken nights, Tommy had his head laid against her lap. He wasn't fully asleep, but he wasn't fully awake. Still in a daze. Still confused. Still teary-eyed and still seeing his late wife in the same room. She was judging him without saying a word, reprobating him for not being dead and not joining her in death. Because she was his vision, she didn't interact with Mary. Why would she, when all she wanted was for her husband to join her? Here he was between life and death. Here he was, between the past and the present. Here he was, between Reality embodied by Mary and Illusions, embodied by his hallucination of his late wife, Grace.  And all he could hear, as he hit rock bottom, was Mary's gentle voice guiding him towards the light. All he could feel, as he hit rock bottom, were Mary's tears as she silently sobbed on top of him. All he could do was let her stroke his hair as he was sobering up. How could she stay with him, despite the tears, despite the worries, despite the darkness he threw her in? How could she stay with him? 

-TBC-