I can't give you all my tears

I can't give you my tears, I've cried all of them before we even met. What's left inside of me is melancholia. It's following me like a flee after sugar. I used to be scared of it, I used to refuse it but I am tired. You slammed the last nail in my coffin and forced me to stare at Melancholia straight in its eyes.What a wreck I am, what a mess... but I am prepared, I know how it feels already so it's easier this time. It's like comfortable sleepers or a nice pillow. It's just there like the kidney to my body, insufferable companion in the solitude I put myself in. I can't give you all my tears, not even when I want to give you storms and hurricanes.. not even when I want to beat the pulp into you for making me feel this way.. not when I want to get rid of my own-self for simply existing.. for having believed only a second it could have been... possible. I am ashamed, I am upset. I am quiet. I am resigned. I let it be and I feel numb. I can't give you all my tears.. not even if you did deserve all of them.