Heartbreak

Why did I believe you would be different? I guess I was blinded by my own affection for you. I guess I wanted something better for both of us.  I wanted us to be soulmates. I mean, friendship-wise. I wanted us to love each other unconditionally. I wanted us to care for each other in ways we have not been cared for in our lives. I wanted so much for us, and in a way, we achieved it if we keep our distance, I guess. It took me a while to realize that you do not want to meet me. You do not want me to see you as you are. Part of me wonders if you want to hide your real face from me. I wonder if you want to hide your real personality from me. How much of you is real? I guess that a lot of what I know is true. You don't lie to me. You don't pretend... I can tell. I want to believe that I can.  I want to believe that I know a part of you that is real and sincere.... If it's not, oh, if it's not... 

I don't know how I would react, and I would rather not think about it. I would rather work towards accepting that you will never truly be mine. You will never truly be mine--- Ah... What do I mean when I say that? I guess, I mean,  I wanted you and me to have a very special bond. I wanted us to be friends, beyond friends... beyond lovers.., I wanted you to be my safe place and my dearest friend. I wanted you to be my muse. I wanted you to be my person.... And I thought you were. Artistically speaking, oh, you clearly are. Amically speaking.... I think we do not want the same thing. I think we do not mean the same thing. I guess, with me, there would never be something deeper than what I wish we could be. I guess that is why I am so heartbroken. I wanted things that could never be. 

I wanted things that could never be. The truth is that I love you more than you do. I care for you more than you claim. We would never be the type of friends I wanted us to be. I think that this will be true with other people, and it is okay. I have to accept it. I have to digest it... I have to.... Even if it is difficult. I hurt. I break. I am so upset. I am so disappointed in you, and I think that it is eating me up. I am so disappointed in myself for being upset, but I have been told that it is normal. You were my friend, and to meet with you in the flesh was the next right step. You did not want it. Not just once, but twice... so really.... How can you be a friend to me? How can you be? I am upset, and I don't know how long it would take for me to handle that pain, but I aim to focus on what is important... my future. My wedding. my book... my life. Add if you don''t want to walk the path with me, I would simply leave you behind and keep you at a distance. Trust!

Trivia: Nixus; Sex//anger// addiction and coping mechanism.

Sex: Phoenix enjoys sex. She is very in touch with her sexuality and would never shy away from it. She loves exploring it and tries to find new ways to find pleasure. She knows what she wants and what she hates, and would always seek pleasure wherever it is. Before Marc, sex was usually used as a way to manipulate her targets or blow some steam off. She didn't find it as pleasurable as when she was doing it on her own. Marc changed that for her. He helped her access her vulnerability and find genuine pleasure in sex. 

Anger: Nix can control her anger. She was trained to be as efficient as possible, and that entailed being able to control her emotions so nothing could transpire. Only the trained eyes and ears could actually notice when she's angry. Marc could because he has keen eyes. However, when Phoenix lashes out, you'd better not be on her path, or she will obliterate you. 

Addiction and Coping Mechanism:  Phoenix is addicted to pain. She's an assassin who derives pleasure from self-mutilation/ pain from her injuries. She's also addicted to everything about Marc. She's addicted to him, through and through. 

When she's under stress, she tries to drown those feelings with a smoke or a fight. Usually, she would also beat up bullies and gangsters within an inch of their lives. 

Trivia: Nixus: Marriage // Heartbreak // Soothing

Marriage:  Phoenix had considered Marriage once, with her first love, Anton. After his betrayal, she wasn't even sure anyone would ever want her, to begin with.  She enjoys reading romance novels because they allow her mind to escape her reality as an assassin. However, since meeting Marc, the desire to get married resurfaces, stronger than ever. 

Can they get married? Nix is not sure they can, since her identity is not genuine. However, the Guild has connections all over the world, so her "Clean Slate Identity" appears to be legit. 

Heartbreak: Phoenix fell in love, once,  before she met Marc. Her former lover betrayed her and faked his own death. It broke her heart for what she thought was beyond repair.  Nix is extremely pessimistic and distraught about her past. Outside the romantic aspect of her life, she had her heart broken several times by the Guild, First. They made her kill her dog. They made her fight to the death the friends she made while she was growing up, and she was also forced to have sex in part of her training. She had to kill her mentor and handler, whom she considered a father. 

Soothing: When Nix becomes angry, very few people can actually soothe her. Her anger stems from fear and pain. She usually fears losing Marc and her friend Debbie. She also fears being rejected, and usually lashes out instead of crying. She would only be calmed by the soothing presence of Marc or Debbie.

When they are not around, and she has to deal with her emotions on her own? Oh, she beats people up.  She struggles with not killing them, but always beats them within an inch of their lives. When she doesn't kill, she fucks, or she indulges in hedonism and cigarettes. It doesn't help her feel better, but at least it can quell the rage and fear. She can also fight or train. She seeks pain to distract her mind. 

Trivia; Nixus: Crying // secret they won't talk about

Crying:  Phoenix doesn't like to cry in front of others. She would always try to isolate herself so she could cry alone. It was first due to the way she was raised. As an assassin, she should keep her emotions to herself. She associated her tears with weakness, and only a handful of people saw her cry and lived to tell the tale. Marc would be the first to see her cry, the first to comfort her, and the first to encourage her to keep crying. She feels safe with him, and therefore, she could be vulnerable with him. 

Secret they won't talk about: Phoenix can't bring herself to tell Marc about being an assassin. She has the blood of innocent people on her hands and is haunted by her crimes. She knows that if she talks about them, Marc would have no other choice but to either kill her or throw her in prison. She could handle being killed, but she does not want to disappoint him, not after all the sacrifices he made. She does not want to disappoint him. 

Phoenix sensual questionnaire

Big spoon or little spoon? Little spoon (She needs to be held)

Have you ever been on a blind date? Nope. I don't understand the concept.

What's the best kiss you've ever had? It has to be the first one Marc gave me. This moment was spontaneous, and hot, and everything I wished it would be, and even some more. I will never forget it. 

What's the best date you've ever been on? I haven't been on a date with Marc just yet, so this one is a bit old. It happened long before I stopped at Detroit. While working the field and trapping my target, he spontaneously took me on a trip to his childhood home. It was in a little town, or a village, in Italy. It was such a simple life, and for the first time, I saw the real him. He was kind and tender to the people there and to me. 

Favourite way to be affectionate with someone?  I will cuddle the one I love. I will run my hand through his hair and will always massage his scalp. MMhhh, I would also kiss his neck and shoulder and bury my head there. 

Favourite place to be touched? Well... As cliché as it is. I love when he palms my ass. I love it so much when he holds it, kneads it, and squeezes it. 

What's your favourite memory of you together? That has to be our very first conversation. It was cute and so clumsy. Can you believe it? a meet-cute in an elevator? 

Top, bottom, or both? Both. 

Do you like it rough or sensual? Both, although I am more inclined to be sensual. I love to make love, and with Marc, it is something even deeper. It feels so intense and beautiful, and I feel this incredible connection with him. I can be vulnerable with him and safe and comfortable too.

How do you feel about sex toys? I am indifferent to them. I use my fingers instead. 

What's the hottest thing someone can say to you in bed? That I am a good girl! That I'm tight and wet for them. That I am such a good girl for taking such a big cock. That I look good doing whatever I'm doing to them. That they are losing their minds because of me, because I feel good. This is so hot... oh, and that they love me. 

Do you prefer to give or receive? I love to give. I love to watch the reactions of my lover to whatever I'm doing to them.  I also love to be on the receiving end. With Marc, he always makes sure that I get off. It's wonderful! I love when he touches me, when he uses his tongue or fingers to lick, suckle, or pull on my nipples or any other part of my body. I love it when he thrusts into me. I love being on the receiving end of his care, and I love giving him so much pleasure. It's difficult to choose what I love most.  

What's something you secretly fantasise about? For now, I think I just want our neighbours to hear us when we have sex. I want them to know he fucks me and he fucks me good.  I am not a screamer, but it could be hot to become one. 

What's your favourite type of kiss? I love making out, sloooowly. I love it when we take our time. I love it when he holds my neck and scalp. 

Juicy questions to ask about your relationship: 

What initially attracted you to him/her?  His gentle smile. He was so kind to our neighbours. He was so kind to the kids that I could not help but be attracted to him. Then, upon talking to him, his simple desires, his charming personality, and the fact that I feel safe with him when we talk or when he is around truly make me feel good. I love his sense of humour and how caring he is. That made me want to know him more and better. 

Would you change anything about the way you met? No. It was like in the movies. spontaneous and charming. 

Have you ever been in love? Yes. A fellow assassin I grew up with. *Is falling in love with Marc*

Why did things end with your last ex? He faked his own death and sold me out to the Guild on his way out. 

What's one of your dating deal-breakers? Physical violence is a no-no. Psychological abuse as well. To be treated like a possession or a monster... Fortunately for me, Marc does nothing of that sort. 

Is there anything about the future that scares you? I'm afraid Marc would find out the truth about my past. He will have no choice but to arrest me, and the worst thing for me would be to be hated by him for my sins. 

The most forbidden person you've ever had a crush on?  Marc Flynn. He is a cop. he arrests bad guys, and I was one of them before. 

What's the wildest thing you've ever done for love? I accepted a risky plan to see my lover and me,  free from the Guild. We wanted to fake our deaths and run away from that place. I trusted him to see through with the plan and to leave with me, but he did not. He simply did not. He betrayed me, and I was forced to stay with the Guild - and was punished for trying to cross them-

Do you want to have a family someday? Yes---- but this is a dream I can't make true.... my child won't be happy with a mother like me.....But, God, do I wish to be. 

What's something you've always wanted to ask him/her but haven't? "Would you kill me if I told you I was a bad person and I deserve to die?" I just can't ask him that. 

Questions about sex:  

Where (or from whom) did you learn about sex growing up? I was trained for this by the Guild... 

How often do you like to be intimate? All day, every day! 

How important is sex to you in a relationship? It is a way to show our love for each other. It is also something I crave a lot because it feels good. It matters a lot to me, but it is not a deal-breaker if I don't have sex that much. I can deal with my own needs and would rather spend time with him than not, if he's not in the mood for it. 

How do you like to be touched? Well, I love it when he wants to make me feel good. I love it when he is determined and touches me firmly. I love it when he pulls me back to him and makes sure I can't escape his pleasurable touch. 

What's your favourite part about sex? His reactions to me. I thrive best when I can see how good he feels because of me. It is so intimate and sweet. 

The most challenging part about sex? I think itis about letting go completely. As an assassin, I always had to be in control. I always had to direct my lovers just so I could keep control of the situation. I am not used to letting others take control.

What makes you feel closer to someone during sex? When we talk, we laugh and chuckle, and we moan. We're vulnerable because we see what the other person likes and what can make them lose control. I feel closest to someone during these moments. I feel closer when we whisper in each other's ears, when we can confide in each other and express ourselves with no restraint. 

Do you prefer morning or evening sex? I'm more of a night person, but I fuck any time of the day. 

Lights on or off? On. I want to see his beautiful face. I want to see how messed up he is. 

What do you fantasise about when you masturbate?  Marc.... and his stunning abs and his really cute smile. His puppy face is perhaps the strongest turn-on I have ever seen. So I think about it, about him, kissing me. Touching me. Talking to me and moaning in my ear.

What's something you want to try with Him/her in bed?  I want to cum over and over again with little to no break, just so all I can have on my mind is just sex and pleasure.  It's so slutty... but I want to try that. 

What gets you off more: oral or penetrative sex? Penetrative,  especially when it's deep. I have discovered the pleasure of being fucked deep with Marc, and I am obsessed with it. It has to be noted that I also cum buckets whenever Marc is giving me head. He's so skilled! 

Have you ever tried BDSM? ..... yes! I had someone pull on my hair, squeeze my cheeks, spank me, and choke me. Later on, I sometimes squeeze my neck, I scratch their back, and I bite. I mostly bite. 

Does the thought of recording a sexy video turn you on? I would prefer not to film anything. 

What's the last thing you came to? Making out with Marc, while his hand is playing with my pussy.

What turns you on the most?  Marc's hugs and neck kisses. When he holds me and starts kissing my neck, I am losing my mind. I love it. I want more. It makes me want to make out with him and keep going.  

The funniest thing that's ever happened during sex? I think it has to be when one of my targets. He was so bad at sex that I was doing my best not to laugh the entire time. He kept talking to me about how good he was and how hard I was going to cum, but it was so damn bad. 

What's the naughtiest thing you've ever done?  Ah... I blindfolded my target, and I flogged him. He asked me to flog his cock to get him hard, so I did. I then teased him, my tongue, my mouth, and then I flogged him, rinse and repeat, until he confessed what I wanted him to confess and came because I flogged him the hardest I could. 

Most inconvenient place you've ever been turned on? The precinct, when I visited Marc. 

On a scale of one to Mount Everest, how high is your sex drive? Mount Everest! And can go higher! 

What's the hottest nickname He/she can call you in bed? Love. Darling. Babe. I think I like all the words of endearment. 

COPG: Life of Elpis; she was happy

Since Elpis was free to move as she pleased, she was able to explore the world. No longer bored by the confinement in her quarters, the goddess was enjoying herself. She had missed this world during the 2000 years spent locked in human vessels.  She had missed this vibrant world, filled with excitement, hope, and beauty.  She had missed the Light, the creativity, and the joy humans were capable of. Oh, she had missed this! She had missed blending in among humans -Easier done in modern times- She had missed being worshipped. Humans, even when they were not consciously praising her, held some hope in their hearts. Regardless of who they were and what they wanted or needed, they always wanted something. So she basked in that glorious feeling. She could feel that worship turn into an energy she fed on. In moments like these, the goddess almost forgot about her siblings. For a brief moment, they did not exist. They could not locate her in the mortal realm. They could not scheme and disturb her peace, and more importantly, they could not interrupt her precious relationship with Pride. Perhaps that was what she was enjoying the most. After being separated from him for so long, the goddess relished in the euphoria she felt. She was happy.  So happy!

GOT; Private chatter.

After her long trip to Highgarden and its surroundings, the princess finally returned to the Red Keep. As soon as she set foot in the palace, a maestre took her to a royal chamber near the throne room so she could get an official portrait done. That was a first for Baahal, who had never had to pose before. It took some time for the princess to select a pose and even longer for her to get used to the tiresome process. Sitting still was not something she was used to doing. As a dancer, she was accustomed to being in constant motion. She was always expected to move, to perform, to speak, so to sit still for a portrait was difficult for the silver-haired princess.  She shifted on her seat and took a deep sigh. Her hand was slowly becoming numb, so the princess pinched the bridge of her nose and rolled her head. The painter accepted for them to have a break, and the princess finally left her chair to stretch her legs. 

"I can't believe the princess has not ditched Jamie Lannister."

A maid said. Baahal blinked and slowly closed the distance between her and the two maids who were having a little chat while cleaning up a room.  The princess felt her heart beat fast and hard against her ribcage. Should she intervene? Should she say something?? She wanted to. She took a step forward and then decided against it and leaned against the wall. They were talking about her, and specifically about Jaime Lannister. 

"I thought she would have opened her eyes already. He is not suited for her. The whole Lannister family should have hanged at the end of the war."

For a brief moment, Baahal felt insulted. Did they really think that the princess was stupid? Did they really think that she did not know how to defend herself? Did they really think that she was easily manipulated? The lack of faith in her ability to protect herself bothered the princess. She wanted to step in and say something. She wanted to protect the knight and would have if she had not known better. Westeros and King's Landing had their own customs and rules. She could not storm in and act in a way that would cause trouble to the queen. It made her swallow a lump and hold onto the skirt of her dress. 

"Our queen is too generous. I understand why Ser Tyrion was spared. After all, his family wanted nothing to do with him. However, Lady Kyra and Ser Jaime should have died. They will bring nothing but pain to this world." -The young maid almost spat on the floor. Her disdain...No! Her hatred for the Lannisters was proudly on display for her fellow maid to witness. He lifted the right corner of her upper lip and worked her broom faster-

"Oh Seven Hells! I hope you are wrong. I thought that with the death of the Usurper, maybe the Lannisters would stop trying to get on top of others. I thought they would crawl back to the hole they came from." - The other maid matched her energy and shrugged at her own suggestion. She was disappointed in the queen for extending the olive branch to one of the most wretched families of Westeros, but there were rules and rules were made to be followed. The queen had her reasons,s and who were they to criticize her? -

"I don't have anything against Lady Kyra. I heard she was the best of them all, but we never know with bad seeds like the Lannisters... She could become just like Cersei." 

"Oh, by the gods old and new.... I hope the queen won't come to regret her decision. I would be worried sick about my sister if I were her. Jaime will never be able to love anyone else but Cersei. She is sorely mistaken if she believes that Jaime loves her."

Baahal's patience was wearing thin. She wanted to say something, to defend her best friend, Lady Kyra. She could understand the people being hostile towards Jaime Lannister, but why would they be angry at Kyra? If anything, the poor girl was a victim of her family, and it was well-known that the Lannisters were the least favorite of the siblings. It was already a lot to deal with. She already had a lot to deal with, between the lords who refused to be commanded by a woman, but she also had to deal with the fallout of Jaime's actions.  It was unfair, but she had to rein in her feelings. She had to be careful and control her anger. Easier said than done. 

"Yes! I agree with you. I think he simply did not want to die, and he used her. She is so naive, our princess, so kind and just... It hurts me to see her lose her mind over a liar like Ser Jaime."

That was it! She had to say something! Baahal took a deep breath and ended up walking into the room where the two maids were chatting up. She did her best to appease her features and to appear calm and collected. After all, she needed something to drink after so long posing for her portrait. The maids gasped and bowed in front of their princess, worried that she might have heard their little chatter. 

"Excuse me, we are on a break, and I would need to have something to drink. Since it is going to be a long day today, I would like to have some water to drink." 

"Yes, of course. Right away, princess." -They rushed out of the room and  left the princess on her own-

Baahal finally took a deep breath and ran her fingers over her chest. She tried to get herself together and covered her face with her hand. She knew she had to know that Jaime was not loved by the seven kingdoms. He was hated, his reputation destroyed, and the little bit of honor he had left would require some hard work, perhaps the hardest work he would ever have to do. The silver-head knew that she could not expect people to welcome Jaime the way she did. She could not expect them to understand why he did what he did or that Love influenced his very decisions.  They would never understand, not when the wound was still fresh. Not when they could still remember how life was when the Targaryens were ruling the world. She wiped her tears with the back of her hand and walked back to the painting room.  It would be a long fight, a tremendous effort of her part to help the people of Westeros, her people, understand why she chose the man. She wanted them to understand how rich and full of love this man was, but she knew that there was a chance this world would never be ready for them. She made her peace with it, but that did not make it easier for her. It did not make it easy at all. 

-TBC-

DOYA: they were safe

Oya twirled a little on her heels. She wanted to show Dean the outfit she selected for the day. Chuck granted them a couple of weeks without any major incident or hunt. He granted them relief, if she could dare say that word. Relief from their job as hunters... Relief from saving the world and fighting monsters... Relief from fear... The fear of losing Dean or any member of Team Free Will. How long had it been since she had a nightmare? Oya stopped twirling and furrowed her brows. How long? She could not tell. Since the wedding? Since they went on a honeymoon trip? It suddenly dawned on her that if she did not have nightmares after such a long time, that meant she had gotten too comfortable. If they had not been in danger, that was not a good sign. Something sinister might have been brewing, unknown to them, and maybe Chuck would punish them with the vicious temper he was known for. Her smile dropped, and Oya looked at the floor, then her hands, as if it would comfort her. She then looked for Dean, who was in the shower. This, she did quietly, as Oya did not want to scare Dean or ruin the mood of their little honeymoon. Instead, the hunter simply leaned against the door and allowed -forced- her gaze to focus on her husband in that shower. He was alive and well. They were happy, and no matter how short-lived this moment was, Dean was alive and well.

She grabbed a curly lock of hair and fidgeted with it while her teeth mind-absently gritted against one another. There was a time Oya wished for the nightmares to stop. She wished for her nights to either be sleepless or filled with dreams because Nightmares exhausted her. Nightmares kept her scared and worried. Nightmares forced her to see the worst in life, and she did not want to have them. What Oya learned over the years was that she preferred it when there were nightmares because she had fallen into a habit. They became familiar. They became easier to live with. A nightmare was a reminder that anything could happen and that she should not become too comfortable because if she was caught by surprise, then she would not be able to move forward. If she ever lost Dean out of the blue, without any preparation, Oya was certain she would simply join him in death. The world be damned.  She closed her eyes for a brief moment, in an attempt to soothe her heart, and wondered if Dean was feeling the same. He was. Maybe even worse than Oya because he came to the same realization far sooner than she did. 

He enjoyed their little peace and quiet during the day, but at night, when everything was calm, his fears resurfaced and tormented him again. He wanted to protect her laughs, her smiles, her quiet, dreamless nights. He wanted to protect Oya with everything he had because he could not bear to lose her. She knew him deeply, and while he tried to pretend he was fine, she could see right through him. Maybe that was why he only let himself be worried when she was deep in her sleep. So she wouldn't be worried like he was. So he would not ruin their honeymoon. If only she knew what was going through his mind, if only she--- Dean blinked and felt the soft arms of his wife wrap around his frame. She then pulled him into a hug and kissed his back. They did not speak, but this simple hug managed to soothe both of them. This simple hug-- managed to make them feel good. They were alive and well. They were safe. 

KLASMA: She was crying

Returning to Mystic Falls was harder than she expected. She did not want to return to that cursed town and did not want to face Elijah, yet somehow, deep down, she was eager to see him again.  Did the witch hate Elijah? No, deep down, there was no hate in her heart. What existed, however, was anger and disappointment for the way he treated her. What existed, however, was the pain she felt for being seen as nothing more than a tool by the Original. What existed was the affection she developed for him over the years. An affection he nurtured by his presence in her life, little pockets of fresh air she could breathe while living a very difficult and isolating life among humans. Elijah had been a friend, whether he wanted to admit it or not, whether she wanted to recognize it or not. He had been a friend, and they had shared moments, albeit very fleeting and very surface-level, but still... moments that etched themselves in their memories. 

The witch did not hate Elijah, but she wanted to teach him a lesson. She wanted him to see what treating her the way he did truly entailed for him. Today, he had lost her to Klaus. The hybrid gained her trust; he gained her feelings ( although that was a part he was not aware of, nor was she), and He gained her powers. She no longer felt indebted to Elijah, as Klaus cleverly noted she had already repaid him plenty. She ensured the safety of his family and saved them from countless curses and ploys from her sisters.  Today, she devoted herself to Klaus and, by extension, to the family, as Klaus was family-oriented. She was no longer doing anyone's bidding but was choosing to help. That was a major difference with Elijah. Klaus never forced her to do anything. She chose it herself. She joined him of her own volition and was determined to protect him... For Love.  That was something she wanted to show Elijah. 

Still, she could not help but feel her stomach twist inside. Fear was strangling her, something she was not used to. What could she possibly be afraid of? Did she worry about Elijah convincing Klaus to ditch her? Perhaps the one she once thought a friend would not take a liking to her. Perhaps he would even advise his brother to leave her behind because she would only bring them trouble? The reality of her curse hit her once more, and she squeezed the hem of her shirt to try and soothe herself. Would Klaus listen to Elijah if that were the case? Would he leave her behind?? She chewed on her bottom lip and noticed the wetness on her hands.  Crying... She was crying. Her hand gently wiped the tears off her face, and she bit her forefinger. Crying... She was crying... And she could not seem to be able to stop. 

HUG: The whole world against us

Sara tucked her hair behind her ears. She could not help herself but felt the hard and fast thumping of her heart beat against her ribcage.  Stress... No, fear! She was scared. She knew that dating Homelander was not going to be a walk in the park. It wasn't because of him -That part she had it under control. She was now certain they loved each other so much that he would never dare hurt her. She was scared of the Boys. She knew how unhinged they were and how bloodthirsty, too. There had been news about the assassination of many prominent supes in the political and entertainment world. There had been news of former heroes meeting their deaths, nd rumours flooded the internet about a conspiracy or a supe serial killer roaming freely in the world. There was a lot of information, and Sara did not know what to trust anymore. She had cancelled her next tour, fearing that maybe she would become an easy target. An easy target? To whom? Very few people were aware of her relationship with Homelander. For the whole world, she was just a singer, and a harmless one at that. Her powers had only been used in her shows and never to harm anyone. Who would perceive her as a threat? Maybe not a threat, but leverage...

Leverage against  Homelander. She was to be used as bait, a way for his enemies to force him to do their bidding. It made sense, come to think of it, that they would turn to what was perceived as a weakness to try and force the most powerful man in the sky to bend the knee. Sara loathed that idea. She loathed the idea that anyone would be using her to blackmail Homelander or even defeat him. She loathed the idea that they would use his feelings for her to try and turn him into a begging mess. Should it happen... Should she be kidnapped.... She wished that Homelander would not give in to them. Perhaps, she would not want him to burn the world down -Hello! She wanted to survive-, but she would never be comfortable with the idea of him losing his life or freedom because of her.  So should she be kidnapped... She hoped that Homelander would do his best to save her, and if push comes to shove, she was ready to die--- Pause! That part was not true! Sara did not want to die. She survived all these years with her wit and cunning spirit. She managed to rise on top; it was NOT to be reduced to pulp by some psychopath. She refused to die and would do her best to avoid it. Yet, she chose Homelander... Both the safest choice on Earth if she wanted to survive, but also the worst, since he had a giant target on his back. 

He protected her, showed it several times already, but Sara was still worried that his enemies would find a way to defeat him. She was worried that they would find her and would make her suffer a thousand deaths to get back at him. Revenge... They all wanted to kill her man; Sara was aware of it. They all wanted to destroy him, and if that meant breaking his mind before his body, they would do just that. Ryan was the most precious thing to Homelander, but Ryan was a supe as powerful as he was. No sane man would try to kidnap that kid. No sane man would even come closer to that kid. Especially not now that Ryan had trained and honed his skills better than before.  If not Ryan, then only Sara was left to use and exploit against the blonde supe. Only Sara knew the tender parts of him, the soft and loving parts of that mad man. Only Sara could appease him when no one else could. Only Sara could drive him forward, and if they knew it, she would be able to destroy him. The singer simply could not fall into the hands of his enemies, but how could she recognise them? How could she when the whole world was against them?  The whole world? the whole world!

COLBY: A night with mom

Charlie knocked on her bedroom door with a child's enthusiasm that betrayed his excitement. He had not seen her in a day, and the desire to see her overwhelmed him. He waited for permission to enter the bedroom, and once he got it, the little boy stormed into the room. He laughed and climbed onto the bed to join Mary. The woman put the newspaper she was reading back on the nightstand near the bed and opened her arms to welcome Charlie in a sweet hug. She let her fingers run through his disheveled blonde hair. She leaned against the bed headrest and gently started to rock her body back and forth to soothe the young boy. She knew he had been missing his parents; the poor darling had not seen either of them for a week. Mary had been so busy that she only came home to sleep, and Charlie was already deeply asleep.  Tommy was... Tommy was out of town for business reasons. Mary wasn't stupid; she was well-aware of what that business entailed. She knew that to protect his family, Tom made the choice to keep them out of the loop. Charlie did not know his father was a gangster, and Mary, technically, did not know as well. 

"Mom... I am so happy you came home early. I've missed you."

"I am sorry, baby. I have been very busy, but you were always on my mind, Charlie."

"I know, Mom. Don't worry.  I just wanted to be in your arms and maybe sleep next to you tonight? Would Papa join us?"

"Papa is... busy. He won't be home tonight, so you can sleep with me."

His little squeal made her chuckle, and  Mary gently stroked his head and pressed another kiss to his forehead. She never corrected Charlie when he started to call her mom. He explained that soon after he first uttered the word that he loved his mother in the sky. She would always be his mother, the one who gave birth to him, and the one he loved and would always love. Mary was his mom. The mother he had on Earth. The mother he loved and would always love too. There was no competition in the eyes of this child, only two mothers he loved and cared for. For Mary, the childless mother, his love was a gift, far more important than anything else Life could have given her. She loved him like her own and thanked the Lord for his gift. As Charlie lay under the sheets, she followed him and lay on her side. Her hand gently stroked his bouncy cheek, and she smiled at him. 

"Mom... What do you love about Dad?"

"Why do you want to know?" She asked in a soft voice, with a brow lifted. 

"Because I want to see how you see Dad. I want to know more about him."

It made her smile. Charlie rarely asked questions, even less when it came to his father. From time to time, Mary wondered if he was afraid of his dad. She tried to put herself in his shoes, and although her past was not exactly the same as Charlie's, she thought she could relate to some of his feelings. Tom was not exactly a very open person. He was mysterious, distant, silent... And for a child, this was scary. He wanted to know more about his father, perhaps in a bid to be less afraid of him. So Mary indulged the young boy.

"Fair enough, Charlie. Your dad is a man of few words, but his heart is very big and kind. He loves his family. He works tirelessly to protect us and to ensure we lack nothing. He works very hard to ensure that we won't be in harm's way. Have you noticed the Peaky boys guarding us?" -He nodded- "That is because of your dad. A lot of people want to hurt us, but your dad won't let it happen. He might look cold and distant, but it is because he needs his solitude to think clearly. That doesn't mean he doesn't love us. Quite the contrary, darling. Your dad...Ah...  He is very clever, and I think that was what attracted me to him in the first place. He is so clearly above the rest of the world. Your dad cares so much about you, Charlie. Everything he does, he does it for you."

"Have you tried to have a baby with him?" -His little voice could not hide his worries. Mary noted that he was excited, but she also knew that there was fear hidden in his words.- 

"Listen, my darling, if we ever have a baby, that will never take away the love we have for you. It will only make our family bigger. You will have a sibling, and we will love you both very, very, very much. You will always be my son, Charlie. And you will always be your father's. "

"Thank you, mom."

It seemed to have calmed the child. He heard what he needed to hear. His parents would not forget him just because there would be another child. His father won't turn his back on him because he loved him way too much for that, and despite looking cold and being distant, Tommy was devoted to his family. She was happy to put her child's fear to ease and thought about mentioning it to Tom. She definitely could always say whatever she wanted; Tom had to do his part as Charlie's father. It was his job to reassure his son and to be present in his life. Mary knew that it was not exactly how things worked in their society. Fathers were rarely present in their children's lives. Fathers ended up being estranged from their families, and drama always ensued. 

Mary did not want that for her family. She knew Tommy and his siblings did not have their father's love and presence in their lives. If anything, he was very abusive. Polly Gray raised them, instead, and while Mary was grateful for the woman's presence in their lives, she still did not want Tom to be absent like his father was. She did not want them to repeat the same cycles they suffered. Tom would be a dad, not just a father. She would be a mom, not just a mother. Their children would be happy, far happier than children their age in today's society.  It was easier said than done. Despite her best efforts, Tom was nowhere to be found. He was nowhere to be seen. He did not even place a phone call. She knew he was busy. It's been weeks... months by now, since he left. But she was used to it. He would come back, wouldn't he? If anything happened to him, Arthur would have told her... Or Ada.. Or even Michael ( to gloat).. If anything happened to him..... If anything.... Mary simply pulled Charlie into a hug and wished upon the stars for the safe return of the love of her life. 

Phoenix trivia and headcanon

• Phoenix is actually 37 years old
• Her birth name is: Anzelu Bahati (It means Angel of Luck)
• Her mother took medicine that turned Phoenix's eyes blue.
• Phoenix naturally smells like jasmine.
• Nixus is the name of the Ship. I won't change it, we like it that way. 
• Nix is a biter when she cums and feels good. She needs to bite something to cope with how much pleasure she feels.  She usually bites her forefinger or his neck, shoulder, and arm. 
• Nix has a tooth gap, which gives her a distinctive smile.
• Nix has deep scars on her back from the whip lashes she got to discipline her by the Guild.
• She is loyal to Marc. Do not try to seduce her, do not try to trash Marc in front of her, or make her believe that he is cheating on her. 
• It was love at first sight with Marc, but it truly took root from the day they spoke, and he acted kindly towards her. 
• She is an extremely skilled assassin and is revered and feared among her peers outside the Guild. 
• She had to kill her father figure to leave the Guild, and it traumatised her.
• She speaks French, Arabic, Chinese and Japanese, Spanish and Italian, German, and Lingala.
• Nix does not think that she deserves to be loved due to her past traumas and the huge betrayal from her lover, Anton. It will take a lot of work from Debbie to actually let her accept that she is loved. 
• She was turned on by Marc before they officially met. She fell in love with him very fast as well.
• Nix had to bounce from one place to another due to leaving the Guild. She recently settled in Detroit, but is prepared to leave if she has no other choice. 
• Nix whispers a lot in Marc's ear, whether it's loving words or erotic moans.
• When embarrassed, she blushes very hard and hides her face with her hands or her hair.
• She has to deal with her dark urges and fights every day with her violent nature. 
• She calls Marc "Sir", "Hot Neighbour",  and he calls her "Ma'am."
• She is a very stubborn woman. She is determined to help others even when they don't want to. 
• She was betrayed by her first love, Anton  "Phaser" Millevicz, and has not given Love another chance.
• She is more of a gasper, whisperer, and soft moaner rather than a screamer, but Marc will change it for her. 
• Red is her favourite colour, but she looks great in blue.
• She has kept a lot of her assassin habits, such as securing her place, studying exit points, and coming prepared for a fight. 
• She has a light pain addiction, and would always throw herself into fights to blow some steam off and punish herself for the crimes she committed. 
• She smokes, but only when she is under stress. 
• She has tried to kill herself several times since she left the Guild. The last attempt had her decide to turn on a new leaf and help people to truly atone for her sins.
• Phoenix is a beautiful woman; her beauty has something very unique that makes her unforgettable. She is aware of this and downplays her beauty to appear as plain as possible.  
• When she's happy or when she's having sex, Phoenix can become loud. It is a sign that she is losing control of herself.  For example, her first true laughter was with Debbie and their students. They were all playing a game of Tag, and she tripped and fell ridiculously. She laughed uncontrollably, and it made everyone else join her in the fun. 
• She is a rabid reader of romance novels, especially the cheesy and erotic ones.
• She is a decent cook and can whip up exquisite meals if given enough time to prep.
• Nix is a switch. She likes to take charge and make her lover melt against her, but she likes to give in to them as well and let them take charge. 

Phoenix tv tropes

Most Recent History:

After a very busy night, Phoenix officially meets with her hot neighbour in the elevator.

TROPES ASSOCIATED WITH Phoenix Rivers.

• The Determinator: She isn’t the type to give up on wanting something. When she sets herself a goal, she will never give up. She displays this determined behavior concerning her friend and lover, and she will do everything to keep them safe, even if she puts her life in danger.

• The Dreaded: Phoenix is a world-class assassin. She is extremely skilled and efficient, to the point that other professionals both respect and fear her.

• Action Girl: Comes with being a former world-class assassin.

• Action Girlfriend: She is a world-class assassin who will stop at nothing to protect her cop boyfriend.

• Affectionate Nickname: Nix, Ma'am.

• Affirmative Action Girl: Well, she is an African woman.

• All Girls Want Bad Boys: Inverted. Marc is not a bad boy, but he has a dark side to him that attracts Phoenix.

• All-Loving Hero: Subverted! She was an assassin and indiscriminately killed people. She wants to do better and protect people. 

• Author Appeal: With the cleavages and ass porn

• Anti-Hero:  Phoenix is struggling with her dark urges. She usually would kill or use violence to deal with her issues, but is trying to be a better person.  

• Battle couple: With Marc Flynn.

• Berserk Button: Don't EVER threaten/hurt children, her best friend Debbie, or her beloved Marc Flynn.

• Break the Cutie: Ultimately, her backstory is this. She was abducted as an infant by the Guild. They killed her family and raised her to be an assassin. She was then betrayed by her first love, fellow assassin Anton "Cypher" Millevicz,  who sold her plan to the  Guild. They punished her harshly for her attempt to leave. To leave, they forced her to kill her handler. 

• Boobs of Steel: She is known for her really large breasts.

• Broken Bird: see Break the cutie.

• Character Tics: Phoenix tends to hide behind her hair when she is blushing or embarrassed. She would also cover her face with both hands.

• Child Soldier: Phoenix was raised as an assassin growing up.

• Color-Coded Eyes: Her lapis lazuli eyes. courtesy of the treatment her mother took while pregnant.

• Dark and Troubled Past: See Broken Bird.

• Dark-Skinned Blonde: She is a black woman with vibrant, honey-haired hair.

• Deadpan Snarker: Phoenix isn’t above snapping. She pulls no punches either.

• Dating Catwoman: In her case, it’s dating Marc Flynn, a cop.

• Despair Event Horizon: The night she learned that Phaser died, only to learn that he had sold her out to the Guild. Her heart was so broken by the betrayal that she thought she could not trust anyone or be loved by anyone. It broke her trust in others and trust in herself.

• Don't You Dare Pity Me!: Has moments of incredible defensiveness and self-loathing, and if you try to show her sympathy, she tends to lash out. 

• Family of Choice: She considers Debbie to be like her sister.

• Fatal Flaw: She has a tendency to risk her life if she thinks it can atone for her sins.

• Goal in Life: To be able to live a life without the Guild, and, later on, to live quietly with her family and her soul mate. She wants a quiet and boring life. She wants to atone for her sins and forgive herself.

• Good Is Not Soft: Her pride sometimes makes her prone to a quick temper tantrum that usually ends up with verbal jousts with her partners/friends/family.

• Guy Magnet: Hinted at. Given her godly appearance, she attracts a fair share of men and women. She does her best to downplay her attractiveness. 

• I Am a Monster: She is a former assassin who indiscriminately killed her targets. She is haunted by it.

• Love Hurts: She is capable of doing anything to protect those she loves. She was betrayed by her first love and is still deeply hurt by it.

• Love Hurts: She is dating an enemy of her old profession, and to add some more stress to it, he is a good cop. Loving him is definitely taking a huge risk that he ends up finding the truth. 

• Lust Object: Many men and women had lusted after her, and she took advantage of it during her missions.  

• Memetic Sex Goddess: In-Universe — and out of Universe!! People just can't help falling for her.

• Ms. Fanservice: She dresses very plainly to downplay her beauty, but she definitely wears gorgeous lingerie.

• Morality Pet: Marc (sic) serves as her Morality Pet. He truly helps her retain some sanity and break her self-destructive behavior when she starts to take that road. 

• Most Common Superpower: Phoenix Rivers was never exactly under-endowed.

• Not Quite the Right Thing: She makes many of these types of decisions —She trusted a fellow assassin who betrayed her. She also fell in love with a cop. 

• Not so Above It All: Despite all she's been through, Phoenix doesn't want to die and seeks companionship.

• Official Couple: With Marc Flynn

• Sassy Black Woman: More subtle than most, but she's extremely imperious and willful and has been known to make more than a few sharp remarks, at friends and foes alike.

• Secret Public Identity: She hides her past and skills as an assassin from the people of Detroit. 

• Second Love: Marc Flynn

• Sympathetic Murder Backstory: Her backstory has her family killed by the Guild.

• Tragic Dream: Phoenix is desperate to turn on a new leaf and atone for her past sins. She can't kill herself despite the many attempts she has made. 

• Trauma Conga Line: Oh dear. Phoenix has endured so much pain, loss, and tragedy in her life. See Broken Bird.

• Will Not Tell a Lie: Averted. She has to lie by not mentioning her past as an assassin. No one must know about it. So she is willing to be hurt if that could protect her past.

• World's Most Beautiful Woman: Her beauty is certainly uncanny, and she is recognized as an otherworldly beauty. So much so, she is downplaying her good looks by dressing plainly and not wearing makeup.

list of face claims -WIP-

• Lena Headey (Dredd)
• Charlize Theron ( the old Guard)
• Natalie Emmanuelle (The killer)
• Tony Leung ( Shang-Chi)
• Lewis Tan ( Mortal Kombat)
• Elle Fanning (Predator)
• Dakota Fanning (Viena and the fantoms)
• Mads Mikkelsen (Hannibal)
• Austin Butler ( the biker riders)
• Chance Perdomo ( Sabrina)
• Tatie Gabrielle ( Sabrina) 
• Paul Newman (cat on a hot tin roof)
• Steve Mcqueen  (une certaine rencontre)
• Mel Gibson (Machete)
• Zoe Kravitz (the Batman)
• Jack O'Connell ( Sinners)
• Wunmi Mosaku ( Lovecraft Country)
• Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje  (legionnaire)
• Ralph Fiennes ( James Bond)
• America Ferrera (Barbie)
• Tom Hiddleston (Night Manager)
• Fan Binbing (xmen)
• Bae Doo-Na (sense8)
• Chukwudi Iwuji (high evolutionary/ guardians 3)
• Amy lee (evanescence)
• Brian Cranston ( Breaking Bad)

Windora; Horrific resolve

"Frederic...."

The booming voice of the elder echoed all over the room. Still recovering, elder Roustain was hidden in a candle-lit room. He was lying on a four-poster bed with huge curtains that offered extra protection from the sunshine.  Well-protected by the darkness cast by the heavy fabric, his purple eyes stared at the vampire before him. Frederic Roustain, the powerful current head of House Roustain, was standing before him. On his immaculate pale face, where no blonde strand of his beautiful mane fell out of place, there was frustration and restlessness. Lux, as always, was the focus of his attention. Like a thorn to his side, she was always difficult to deal with. A vampire with character, A vampire who refused to settle for any suitor sent her way. It bothered Frederic to have such a strong-willed vampire in their court. It bothered him to have one with such an uncanny true form when all the others were similar. It bothered him that she was a powerful vampire, of house Adora, and because of it, she could not be forced to marry. To add insult to injury, Lux was clever and curious. She was studying their history - or so she said- and if he wasn't careful, she would quickly uncover the truth about elder Roustain. 

"Father. As you summoned me, I kneel before you."

"Frederic, finally... Do you have any updates on that Adora girl?"

Frederic's blue eyes lowered, and he stared at the floor. He could not look at his elder until he got permission, and he did not want to add to the irritation of the founding father. Of House Roustain, only the most powerful vampires were aware of the truth about Elder Roustain, which made them a handful. It was partly to protect the truth and to control who had access to it. Aurelius Adora was growing restless, perhaps because he felt the presence of the Elder. After all, Aurelius was a second-generation vampire, turned by Father Adora.  Perhaps he was far more perceptive than the newest generations of vampires, who had no idea of what an Elder truly was. Regardless of the truth, the fact that Lux was snooping around was a threat to their plan. With Aurelius on edge, it was advised not to cause a ruckus and bring suspicion to them. So they had to let her walk freely. They had to let her do as she pleased while keeping a tight watch on her. Had she been a regular vampire, there would have been no issues completing the task. Unfortunately, she was no mere vampire. She was an Adora and a powerful one at that. 

"Unfortunately, Father, she eluded us in Montana and proved to be difficult to watch."

"Difficult?" Father Roustain's voice thundered across the room, paralyzing Frederic with fear- " Has our blood been so tainted that we cannot best this Adora's spawn?"

"Father... Forgive--"

"No forgiveness for the useless roaches in our family tree. We need to know what she knows and anticipate her next move. Do not make me take over, Frederic. I have been disappointed in you, so fix it and earn my respect."

"I won't fail you this time, Father." 

How could he, when his very life was on the line? Frederic was a creature of ambitions. He wanted power, relished in the one he already had, but he definitely wanted more. He dreamed of being alone on top of the world, but he had to bide his time. The Elder was extremely powerful, far beyond Frederic's capacity. If he wanted to overthrow him, he had to be patient and plan ahead. Since the Elder did not want any harm to come to the redhead's way, Frederic thought about forcing her to marry him. If she refused any other suitors, surely, given the relationship between the Adoras and the Roustain, she would at least entertain the idea of him. Did he like her? No. He hated Lux. He desired Lux. He wanted to own her. He needed to own her. Did he love her? He despised her. He loathed her. He considered her to be beneath him, to be tamed, to be controlled, and he reveled in the idea of seeing her beautiful face contorted with the pleasure he would give her or torn by the pain he would inflict on her. Regardless of what that was, he knew that he wanted to break her, and the thought made him lick his bottom lip. It was decided. He will organize a formal meeting with Aurelius and Lux, and he will increase surveillance as well, so she does not escape their sight. .  His underling, Alex, greeted him and followed his master into the deep night.

Nixus: Controlled heat - smut-

Today was a very hot summer day, the type to make you want to dip into a pool and stay there until it's time to go to bed.  Phoenix, wearing nothing but her little red nightgown, was lying on her bed. Her hands were mindlessly roaming over her frame as she recalled the afternoon.  Earlier today, the young woman went to her large window, which opened onto the inner courtyard of the building.  Children usually went there to play together, as there were two basketball hoops. It was always pleasant to watch them laugh and yell and play sports, because the whole building became lively and warm. That afternoon, however, her neighbour came down to play with the children and thus took away all of her focus. 

As soon as she saw him, that tall, muscular guy with a tank top and grey sweatpants, she felt her legs give up on her. Her pink little tongue darted out and licked her bottom lip, and Phoenix sat in a high chair by the window to better observe the basketball match. Flynn seemed to have fun with the children, and Phoenix stared at him the whole time. She studied his face, his strong arms, his large hands. She listened to his laughs and his groans, and that allowed her mind to wander into erotic territories. The teacher did not know what gave her the strength to stay until her hot neighbour left the garden, but she was glad she did it. 

"Flynn....You looked hot today. I did not know you could look so good in sweatpants...MMhhhh...."

Her eyes were staring at the ceiling, and her teeth sank a little bit into the plump flesh of her bottom lip. During the match, as she was by the window, Phoenix had to be careful not to let her hands wander, lest she wanted to be seen by the other neighbours, but in the privacy of her room, it was another story. The woman could explore her body to her heart's content.  Phoenix could feel it, the dampness between her legs. She had soaked the fabric of her underwear and dripped down her legs.  That made her wonder. When was the last time she was turned on like this? For a long time, sex was nothing but a formality. It was part of her training and a tool to use to subdue her targets. Then she discovered self-pleasuring. Her hands explored her body, elicited reactions she never had before and soon enough, Nix knew her body by heart. She knew how to make herself feel good, how to cream on her fingers, how to writhe and blush and groan and how to make her missions feel more pleasant for her. Then she discovered love. Anton was the only man who genuinely taught her how pleasurable sex could be when you did it with someone you loved. She discovered how her body reacted to a wanted touch, how her own mind acted when she was not playing a role. With Anton, she rediscovered herself and how she felt when she was turned on by someone else. 

"Oohhh, Flynn.... If only you could come here, uf... right now... I need you." -She moaned softly, her fingers now moving with intent towards her wet little slit. -

With Marc, Phoenix realised that she could desire another man. He had always been attractive to her, from the moment she first laid eyes on him. However, what made her lose her mind over that cop was his kindness. As soon as she saw him treat his neighbours with kindness, regardless of who they were, he started to haunt her sleepless nights and erotic thirsts. He was a bona fide good guy, and she felt most attracted to that. Of course, he was handsome, and she memorised his features to best represent them in her fantasies. Fantasies of him in uniform coming home from work. He would open her door and find her on the bed, splayed and exposed to him like the dirty little girl she was. He would have a sharp look, studying her curvy frame half-covered by the nightgown, allowing his blue eyes to travel from her face to her satin-covered breasts and hard nipples poking through it. He would then let his eyes wander between her legs. And oh, the view would be everything. He would find her engorged clit, hard and standing out proudly to attention. He would find her puffy lips, wet from her juices, sensitive to her touch, and begging for his. 

"Flynn... See how wet you make me? See how needy I am?" -She panted out - "I've never been this wet for anyone before, but you... fucking you... Now you need to come over and fuck me! please.... Please..Please!" -She groaned before she thrust her hips upwards and pressed two fingers into her hungry little hole-

The heat that choked the building made her sweat already -Thanks to the AC not working properly- and only increased her own inner heat and need for her neighbour. In her fantasy, still in uniform, his cock had replaced her fingers, and he was holding onto her hips, guiding her towards his cock so she would not slip out of his hold. She imagined his hands calloused because of his job, calloused but still pleasant to the touch. She imagined his cock just the right size for her, comfortably large and long. A cock she would want to take over and over again. A cock that could make her cum just like that, because it would brush all the sensitive spots inside her, because the friction would be delicious between them, because he is perfect for her.... Perfect as is.  And the words he would say to her? Decadent, soul-melting and addictive. He would call her a good girl, praise her wet and tight pussy for taking him so well, and oh, would marvel at how hot she felt around him.  He would tell her that she needed to be punished for being so naughty and touching herself when he wasn't there, and he would squeeze her breast while she would squeeze the other. Maybe he would even put his fingers in her mouth for her to suck like it was his cock. Maybe he would pull on her hair and spank her thigh... She wanted it, she wanted it all...

"Aaahh..... Officer... right there.." 

Her voice was a whisper as Nix wasn't a screamer. She usually only groaned and grunted, and only learned that she liked to speak a bit too, when she was with Anton. She wouldn't speak all the time, but she liked to urge him on, praise him, and tease him at times. So why wouldn't she do the same with her hot cop? She wanted to, and in real life, words escaped her lips without her control. It just felt natural for Phoenix to speak to him, to voice her desire for him, and she knew that the walls of her room would protect curious ears from listening. Her muffled moans escaped her throat, and she grabbed her right leg from under its knee. She lifted it to give her better access to her cunt and went faster. The familiar wet sound of her folds being pounded by her filled her ears, and with it, again, her fantasy followed up.  This time, her hot cop had flipped her over, so she was lying on her front.  Being lazy due to the heat, Nix did not change her position, but her mind did the trick, and she was flat on her front. He would squeeze her bubbly ass, smack it and comment on how bubbly and fat it was, on how it was rippling against his pelvis, how much of a tease she was when she wore jeans or shorts, because all he could see was that ass. 

"Pull my hair, please... own me.. fucking own me, Flynn! I want to be yours! so bad!" She groaned, eyes closed, and brows furrowed as she was focused on her fantasy. 

She wanted to belong to him, not in a way that she was a property he could own, but more of a genuine connection between the two. She wanted to give in to him mentally, physically and in a way that her soul was yearning for. She wanted to trust him completely and to put her life in his hands. She wanted his kindness and softness on her, perhaps as a way to heal her broken heart or maybe as a way to taste what normalcy and genuine love could be. Either way, at this moment, Flynn became the embodiment of her deepest desires. She was well aware that the real hot cop might be very different from the fantasy she had of him, but it did not bother her. After all, these were just her naughty thoughts, not an imperative and definitely not a blueprint. It simply allowed her to know more about herself and what she wanted. It allowed her to see that she was healing and truly living for herself because she found what she wanted in life. Right now, it did not matter as she curled her fingers and hit a sensitive spot, THE spot. 

"Aaaahh! Flynn!  Yes! Yes! MMmhhhh fucking tell me I'm your good girl! fucking tell me aaahhhh!" 

She shot her eyes open after hitting a very sensitive spot and feeling a wave of pleasure crash down on her. It made her toes curl, and she had to bite her bottom lip harder to stop a scream from escaping her lips. She shook a little bit and removed her fingers from her cunt as she felt an unfamiliar sensation. Was she going to pee? At that moment, Phoenix did not know she could squirt, nor did she imagine being able to feel like this again. She chalked it up to the current heat that made her sweat and feel a bit dizzy, when in reality it was just the power of the fantasy and the position that allowed her to finger herself harder than usual. The former assassin curled up and then rolled on her front. She lay on her cheek, forced her legs to move so she would be on her knees and spread her legs so she could have access to her puffy and wet little cunt. She rubbed her clit, pressing her palm against her sensitive skin. 

In her fantasy, Flynn had grabbed a fistful of hair and pulled it towards him.  She loved to think of his large hands holding onto her waist, smacking her ass and pulling on her hair. She did not mind a little bit of pain, even less when it felt good like that. She liked the idea of her hot cop pounding into her like she wasn't some delicate flower. Now was not the time. She did not want to make love; she wanted to be fucked, and her grunts and whispers of encouragement were a testament to that. She had dreams where he was slow and gentle. Dreams where they would gently kiss and savour each thrust he would give her. Dreams where she would slowly ride him, not just to bring both of them to completion but to look at him, to become one during that moment. She had those dreams, dreams of being his and making love to him like she would someone she was in love with. Dreams of being treated kindly and softly, but that evening, she did not want it. She wanted it rough. She wanted to match her appetite for something stronger, primal even... She wanted to lose her fucking mind to him, so she slipped her fingers back into her tight cunt. 

" I want to cum on your cock... Flynn... Fuck... Flynn... Pound my pussy... aahh.. Pound it... Shit!" 

This time, another wave of pleasure, more familiar, more controlled. She knew she was going to cum and did not stop. He turned her on so much this afternoon that the only thing on the teacher's mind was to be fucked by him.  She realised that she wanted to see his face, and the best position to do that was to ride him. So she lazily pulled her body back up so she could sit on her heels. Her legs were still spread open, giving her access to her sensitive pussy. She kept her balance on her hand, lay on the bed, while the other quickly found its way into her little hole.  There she simply fingered herself as hard as she could, as fast as she could, until she reached her climax in a muffled scream. She bit her bottom lip hard enough to draw blood. She got her fingers wet, and her pussy was throbbing.  Her body was shaking, and she was blushing, but Nix was happy because she saw her hot cop's face. She saw him smile at her with an intense gaze, as if he was looking at the most beautiful woman in the world. That sent her over the edge, a gaze so full of love and pride that it disarmed her and she came undone.  

The hardest part came quickly after that. Usually, she liked to give her affection to her lovers. She would touch them, kiss them, cuddle them, but alone in her room, that urge had to die. She wiped her face from the sweat and the tears she cried because of the overwhelming pleasure. Nix then relaxed and let her body fall on its side on the mattress. Her breathing slowly evened out, and she rolled a little to reach the fan to turn it on. It was another night spent dreaming about the neighbour and hoping that someday, even if it was just for the night, she would be able to fuck him out of her system. Maybe these were just going to be dreams... Maybe. 

Nixus: Freaking out

Phoenix hid in her classroom. She needed a quiet place to gather her thoughts. Today seemed to be harder than expected, a test of her resolve.  Who did she think she was? A former killer pretending to be a good citizen! A former killer, eager to be loved and to love freely.  Someone who had to fight her dark urges every single day.  Phoenix wanted to be the person who chose to do good. She wanted to be the person others would turn to for comfort and help. She wanted to save lives, and she had no idea of how to do that if it did not involve the skills she learned as an assassin. A day like today almost made her feel ridiculous in her attempt to become a better person. 

First, it was that sweet student of hers who was attacked by older teenagers on his way to school. Every day, when he walked past her classroom doors, she noticed his bruised and battered body. He always passed it off as clumsiness, but she was well aware of the nature of his bruises and wounds.  Today, she decided to confront his bullies with words rather than her fists. It went just as she expected, badly. They mocked her and taunted her, and it took all of her willpower not to make them eat concrete. Instead, she gave them a lecture and a warning. She told them that the next time she found a bruise on one of her students, she would replicate it on their bodies. They laughed it off and called her a liar. One of the teens tried to swing at her, but she blocked him so effortlessly that it made him reconsider continuing his assault. The warning worked for the time being, but Phoenix knew that they would get back to bullying that poor boy in no time. This time, she chose peace over violence, but the teacher wasn't so sure about being able to do it again if they pushed their luck.

Then came the second test of the day, a deeper cut, a more personal issue. A simple question asked by a gentle student who went through her first little heartbreak. "Did someone ever break your heart, Miss Phoenix?" It was enough to bring back the memories of the betrayal. She had loved someone a long time ago. In her young mind, only /he/ could actually love her. They were of similar age and went through the same ordeal. Only /he/ could understand her, wasn't it true? Wasn't it true that he faked his death and escaped Hell without her? Wasn't it true that he sold her to the Guild and left her to endure severe punishment? In the end, he simply chose himself rather than love. She noticed her body shaking and decided that it was best to isolate herself rather than subject her student to a meltdown.  As soon as she closed the door of her classroom behind her, Phoenix rushed to her desk. She sat on her chair and put both hands on her face. Her heart was beating fast... way too fast for her liking. Her upper body was shaking, and her hands couldn't stay steady. Her lips were trembling, and tears rolled down her cheeks in an uninterrupted flow. 

The honey-haired beauty still remembered the intense pain she felt when she heard news of her lover's "passing". She still remembered grief washing over her frame, turning her bones cold and her heart into broken glass. She still remembered the scream she let out when she heard the news and how hard it was to breathe. She still remembered the rage that flooded her heart upon hearing the truth from her handlers. Anton did not die; he simply left the Guild after selling her out. She remembered the hatred that put her heart back together and renewed her desire to escape the Guild. And all these emotions came crashing down again. The stress caused by her memories made her cry in that classroom. Her solitude only became heavier in the confines of her classroom. Her mind was wrecked, and she could not think straight. If she could, Phoenix would have told herself that she was not alone, not anymore.  

Marc was there. Marc was there, with his warm and strong arms. Marc was there, with his soothing voice and his intense blue eyes. Marc was there... And if he were in the room with her, he would have helped her center herself. He would have talked to her in a soft voice. He would have stroked her hair, her shoulders, planted kisses on the top of her head, and she would have felt safe. She would have felt... Safe. Right now, her mind was shrouded in panic. She could not think straight because if she did, she would remember that her old life was behind her. She would remember that her heart was at peace when she was in his arms. She would remember that her body had stopped fighting. She would remember that she was loved. Loved.... and safe.