A vintage touch: Lizzi's despair
// A follow-up to the slap she gave Mary. It's a conversation between Polly and Lizzie, and before Tommy got a chance to lecture Lizzie.
xxxx
"Here, have a smoke." -Polly pushed her pack of cigarettes towards Lizzie. The brunette looked at it and swallowed a lump- "I wasn't asking, Lizzie. Have. A. Smoke!" -Polly repeated, which prompted the young woman to grab the pack and pull one cigarette from it-
It felt like a dream. Lizzie remembered going to Arrow House in hopes to find Tommy and argue with him. She remembered how upset she was that he told her to move on from their relationship. Upon arrival, she saw Mary who invited her inside to wait for Tommy. They talked, mostly because Mary was willing to engage in a conversation with Lizzie. They talked and before Lizzie could stop herself, she slapped Mary so hard that her nose started to bleed.
"Polly... Tom's gonna kill me if he learns--" -Lizzie was cut short by the older woman-
"/When/ he learns. Trust me, he would know." -Polly grabbed a cigarette and lit it with her lighter- "What went through your head that day?"
"I was angry, Polly. I wanted to hurt Tommy." -She drew some smoke in "I wanted to scream at him for what he told me. He made me feel as if I was still a prostitute as if what we'd been doing together, was nothing but a transaction. He isn't paying me anymore, and I was there when he needed someone. /I/ was there!" -she said, blowing her smoke away and hitting her chest-
Polly pinched the bridge of her nose and walked to the window of her office. She couldn't look Lizzie in the eye, mostly because she was angry herself. The older woman could picture the scene, a shocked Mary, with blood running down her nose. A shocked Lizzie, with her hand red from the slap she'd just given. It was a mess. Besides, Polly knew that Mary would be triggered by the slap. She'd been abused most of her life, by the nuns who raised her, and by the husband who manipulated her. She had been hit and assaulted most of her life so from the moment it had stopped, Mary had wished to have a quiet life.
"You silly girl!!!!" -Polly groaned and inhaled some smoke.- " You got angry because Mary has something you will never have. You hurt Mary. You hurt Mary in /her/ house. In Tommy's house!"
"He will not forgive me. I know... I know Polly. He will come and try to kill me."
"Don't be so dramatic. Tommy might be impulsive but he's not short-sighted. He won't kill you. He will lecture you, yes, but he won't kill you. Naturally, you're aware that you're not welcomed anymore at Arrow House."
At that Lizzie just quietly nodded. She lowered her face to look at her shaking knees. She inhaled some smoke and pinched the bridge of her nose again. She was terrified of Tommy's reaction. She had been lectured before and it still stung. her heart was broken by Tommy's callousness and the distance he put between the two of them. She knew, yes, deep down Lizzie knew that Tommy had never been in love with her. He was in love with Grace but he was at best, a friend of Lizzie. At best. She owed Tommy her new life. She owed him her new job and the fact she was now a proper woman but it was the best he could give her. His heart, and his mind, both were locked in a safe she didn't have the code for.
Polly blew some smoke away and sat back on her chair. She started to tap her fingers against the table of her office and pointed her forefinger at Lizzie. She had to intervene. Come to think of it, she had to talk to Tommy before he talked to Lizzie. Polly knew how much he cared for Mary and if she wanted to, Lady Gray would have spelled out loud to the Head of the Shelby family that he was in love and should act on it. Lizzie blew some smoke away and pinched her lips together in order to mask her growing anxiety.
"You, my dear, you're going to work on your apology. Tommy should be assured that you will leave him and Mary alone."
"But... my feelings, Polly?" -She begged, holding onto her chest and pulling at her dress. The older woman shook her head and put her forefinger against her lips- "Poll--"
"/Gone/. Your feelings are gone, Lizzie. From now on, you're not in love with Tommy Shelby. You will move on from these feelings. He is in love with Mary, I know it, You know it, Hell! Everybody knows it. Since you claim to be in love with Tommy, then you shall let him be happy. Move on."
Lizzie couldn't stop crying. She put her free hand over her face and silently sobbed. Her heart was in shambles, mostly because she knew that Polly was telling the truth. The older woman knew the matters of the heart, so whatever she said was true. Tommy wasn't in love with Lizzie and he would never be. She hurt the woman he loved and deep down Lizzie knew that Tommy would be fuming upon learning what happened. He would be furious, disappointed and she was dreading the moment he would talk to her. Her only solace was that Tommy would first take care of Mary and she wouldn't hear from him until maybe tomorrow.
Polly sighed and drew in some smoke. Seeing Lizzie like this was sad. Lizzie was a friend of the Shelby family, she was loyal and she was a nice girl. Her outburst was something Polly considered to be out-of-character for Lizzie, a testament to the intense feelings she had for the man. It was sad, they were sad. Lizzie felt some unrequited love for Tommy who despite his love for Mary, wasn't able to commit. Mary was holding onto the hope that Tommy felt the same feelings for her, but was growing frustrated to be in limbo. So, she was slapped, Lizzie was upset and Tommy was furious. Sad...
It was sad.
