Bäahal and Jaime : Johanna

Bäahal and Jaime : Johanna

A/N : It's complicated for the princess

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The princess was sitting in front of her vanity. She was wearing a simple cotton white gown, thick enough to give her a plumper frame and hide how skinny she became due to starvation. Her purple wet hues were staring up, at the handmaid who was behind her, holding a soft brush usually used on babies to brush away the knots on her silver hair. Johanna was old and proudly celebrated her 68 years of existence with her husband and her three kids a few weeks ago. She'd been serving the Lannister for as long as she could remember and formed quite the opinion on each of them.

She heard the rumors that started from the moment the dragon princess went to the kitchen and had her breakdown. Handmaids and servants had been raving about the whole situation, gossiping any chance they got about the princess and just how « caring » Lord Jaime had been to her. Some wished that he would actually finally be free of Cersei and pursue a romantic life with this very delicate woman. Yes, certainly, she was crying and screaming now but they all knew about the siege and therefore were more understanding of her current behavior. They heard rumors about her, about how kind she was and how she didn't care about etiquette and titles. They heard about the way she protected the common people during the siege and they saw the way she talked to the cats coming in and out of the castle. She was a kind soul. A broken but kind soul.

While very few of them were hoping a romantic development, others were cynical. They didn't trust the Targaryens and the usual hatred and fear clouded their judgment of her. But the attention wasn't really focused on her. It was on Jaime. There was nothing to read here but the loyalty of a knight to his princess. Lord Jaime could never love anyone but his wretched sister. Those snakes were insulting him behind his back, saying that he couldn't find anyone who could love him since he was now missing a limb and the whole country knew he fucked Cersei. They were cruel with the man, those who didn't really know him.

Jaime Lannisters was known to make people feel all types of way about him. Many didn't forget he killed his own king and looked at him with disgust and as a man of little to no shame who was able to do the worst. Others were envious, of his looks, of his charm, of his behavior and the fact ladies still wanted to fuck him. Others were taking their frustration and hatred of Cersei and Joffrey on him. After all, he was the twin. After all, he condoned his son's behavior. After all, he agreed to their despicable ways. They needed to take their anger out on someone and behind his back, what better ways than to kick him to the ground?

His soldiers felt differently. They knew the soldier, and they respected him. They knew he fought for them, for the living when the King of the North walked south from the Great Wall. They respected this man because they knew they could entrust him with their own lives. He was a knight, he was a leader, he was their lord and they were faithful. They didn't forget all he did for his family, for their family and their house. They didn't forget the glorious battles they led either. And they also learned how not to care about his personal life. But the maids? The cooks? All those common people who had nothing BUT time to gossip? They were lashing out at him. And the princess.

Johanna, well, Johanna didn't think like most of them. She'd seen Jaime Lannister a few times and she'd never seen him be this careful with someone else by Lady Cersei and Lady Kyra. Jaime wasn't a people person. He never really cared about others but the ones he chose to love. He always looked after his siblings, but his eyes were only looking at Cersei. The servant even believed that after her death, Lord Jaime would have been so distraught, he would kill himself. And yet... he didn't. She didn't expect to see him alive but was very happy when he returned home. He was far from how the rumors described him. He wasn't starving, He managed to maintain a look, he managed to be clean and he seemed to have kept a bit of strength. Although he appeared very thin than she remembered him to be. As the senior handmaid, she carefully watched after him. She made sure he ate and had his very wishes fulfilled. It wasn't that difficult since he quite soon enough returned to his old knight ways. She assisted in keeping him fed, clean as well as the army they had at home. But more importantly, she watched him go back to who he once was. So, yes, she heard the rumors and heard them loud and clear.

« Your hair is still gorgeous, your grace. »

« …..Thank you. » Bäahal looked at her with some apprehension on her face. She didn't quite know what to do with her but was accustomed to her presence. Johanna decided to be the only one to care for the poor thing after she saw how terrible some of her aides were.

« You've made a lot of progress, princess. I am very glad to see that you're starting to request your food and you finish your plate. »

« I am trying. » she said, looking down again. Her fingers were clenched together as she still couldn't relax completely near this woman. Johanna knows she wasn't feeling comfortable with her. She stopped brushing and gently stroked the cheek of the princess with the back of her hand. Bäahal lifted her shoulders and tried to hide her face, feeling awful and ugly since she lost a lot of weight, but the servant kept touching her. « Please, don't... I am... »

« Beautiful. Trust me, your grace, we've never seen such beauty our whole lives. »

« I am not... I was exotic, on my prime. A curiosity to people who never saw someone like me. People watched me dance, touched me when I didn't want to... used me. » She swallowed a lump and looked at the floor so she couldn't look at the servants face. Johanna gently put her hand on her shoulders and looked at their reflection.

« Please, your grace, look at your reflection on the mirror and let me tell you a story. »

Bäahal lifted her face up and stared at her reflection. She was slowly getting back in shape after all. Her cheeks were less creased, she could feel her legs get stronger because she went on long walks with the knight.

« When Lord Jaime heard you were under siege and probably dead, he didn't waste a second. He hastily went to see lady Kyra and asked her to leave and rescue you. He told you that he was worried, but he didn't tell you how much he was. I saw him. I've known Lord Jaime for years, your grace. » that information made the Targaryen blush but she was listening, her eyes were staring at the woman who was standing up behind her. «  He would have flown to you if he could. He would have cut through giants if he could. That was the man I saw on the day we learned you were in danger. He was restless, impatient, irritated at how long it took for him to leave but extremely worried about you. I was curious back then, at why Lord Jaime who never ever worried about someone else but his family, was worried like that about you. I wondered for as long as it took for you to come to Casterly Rock. » She resumed brushing the hair of the princess.

« And now... do you understand ? » Her voice was laced with curiosity and anxiety as she didn't know how Johanna would respond to her. She swallowed a lump and saw her face blush harder at the mention of Lord Jaime. His face popped into her mind, his smile especially refused to leave her brain.

« yes, I do. I look at your eyes and I see your kindness. I see your heart and honesty. You are genuine... innocent even. It's refreshing. When I look at you, I see determination. I see a fire that makes me want to follow you to the pits of the underworld. I see a gentle soul who fears to hurt others but who keeps ongoing. I heard what you did when you were under siege. I heard about your mission and how much you helped perfect strangers. I see how worried you are about my boy... you're in love with him, aren't you ? » the words made her yelp and she covered her lips with her warm palm but it made her shiver.

How could this woman pierce through her this easily ? How could she see what Bäahal was desperately trying to keep to herself ? Her eyes shifted from left to right and she bit her bottom lip, refusing to address Johanna and answer.

« Lord Jaime sees that when he looks at you. He sees how delicate you are, how endearing you are.. he sees the woman you are and never, ever, would he try and use you. He could be selfish, he could be awful, but he would never use you. » she put her hand on the princess' heart. « He sees you for who you are and trust me, he's not blind. »

« He doesn't think he deserves someone to be kind to him... » Was all the princess could say. The conversation they had that other day at Highgarden still stung hard, so Bäahal refused to recall that moment. Her voice was bitter, laced with sadness and frustration.

« He doesn't know it yet. He's a clever man. Lord Jaime is...you have to understand that when he's ready, he will be able to kill a dragon to keep you safe. Do you understand? »

«I do... » -He did push Bran off of a window. She knew that he would be able to give everything he had to protect her and make sure she was alright. However, she deliberately chose to not think of what Johanna was saying. She was mistaken because she believed there was a chance that lord Jaime held feelings for her. The knight was a friend, nothing more. He didn't want anything else, he didn't want anything else FROM HER. So why would she hope he did? « He's very devoted, loyal, intense... Lucky is the woman he is in love with. I told him I wanted him to find someone who would truly care for him. He deserves no less... » she sighed and looked down at her thighs. « I could give him the whole world if he wanted... » she trailed off and then looked at Johanna with a soft smile. « Can I request braids for today ? »

« Yes you can your grace, you can . » those last words didn't fall on deaf ears. Not one bit.

(TBC)