A vintage's touch: There is no one at the other side of the phone

 A vintage's touch: There is no one at the other side of the phone

// Finally I am exploring a little bit of what we discussed a while ago. Just felt like trying my hand at it. it's angsty though... very. poor darlings. 

xxxx

#Tuuuuuut Tuuuuuuut.....#

The phone kept ringing in the dark. There was no one on the other side of it because Tommy didn't pick it up. How many times had Mary tried to reach out to him? How many times had she told the telephone operator to keep trying? She had lost counts. The rare times she was able to have someone, it wasn't Tommy but rather the butler or handmaid who was working on his room at the time, all saying the very same thing, just a variation of "He's not there." "He's just left" or even "He will call you back, he's in a meeting." Still, Mary called, worried sick about Tommy and overwhelmed with a feeling of powerlessness. Tommy was out of reach. She had no way to know how he was doing. He didn't write to her or send a telegram or anything really that could have appeased her mind. Instead, she was met with silence. 

#Tuuuuuuuut Tuuuuuuuut#

With each ring of the phone, Mary's lips trembled and she could feel her eyes slowly filling themselves with unshed tears. Tommy had made it clear. He didn't want to talk to her. he didn't want to let her know how he was doing. He was shutting her out. She slowly moved the phone off of her face, to wipe some tears that threatened to roll on her cheeks and she bit back a sob. Her eyes shifted from left to right and she tried to clear her throat but no other sound came out of her mouth. Instead, the phone operator took back the call and gave her a very apologetic: "I will have to end the call Mrs Coulson. There is obviously no one on the other side of the phone." before she ended the call and left Mary with nothing but silence for company. 

The nurse felt her heart break and she tightly clutched at her shirt. What could she do if not just sit and accept that Tommy didn't want to talk to her? He had been absent for months now. While his body only left the house for a month, his mind had already been away for months now. It coincided with his admission of having seizures, which happened only after Mary had witnessed him have one. Ever since he seemed to be elusive. He left often, they didn't speak much, and he sheltered himself from her. At first, the nurse tried to get him to talk to her, but the more she did, the more he withdrew within himself, forcing her to stop. She learned all she could about seizures and asked doctors she knew how best she could help a loved one going through one. She tried to find a way to give him support but it didn't work. Then, a couple days before he went on a business trip, Tommy came back home. 

It was a rainy day and he was soaked with water as he pushed the door of their home open. That night, while they argued because Mary was worried he would catch a cold and get sick, he simply told her that he thought about suicide. He was ready to jump off of a bridge and even saw his late wife in the water. The revelation acted like a bomb. it decimated everything inside her heart, especially the idea that he could have had feelings for her. Ultimately, he saw his late wife, the love of his wife and he wanted to join her. Ultimately, who was even Mary to try and form a romantic bond with Tommy? Ultimately what use could he have of her love for him? Mary didn't say anything, but from that day she tried her best to keep her feelings out of her interactions with Tommy. She acted as if she was yet another maid as if she was only there to look after him and Charlie. He saw the change in demeanor. He saw the pain in her eyes and worst of all, he realized that he had hurt Mary and pushed her deeper into the web of lies she kept telling herself. That was why he became even more distant, that was why he didn't take her calls (well, some of them, the others he couldn't). He didn't know how to fix the situation and make her hurt less. Mary ended up believing that he had no feelings for her and didn't even care about her. 

#Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....#

As she sat in the silence of the room, Mary covered her mouth to muffle her sobs as she finally let it all out. how could she believe that Tommy would fall for her? Why did she believe that anyone could? at this point, she was being delusional into thinking she had a second chance at life and that perhaps she could find happiness in this house, with these people who were her home. Tommy couldn't possibly love her when he had lost the woman he loved the most: Grace!  Tommy couldn't possibly look at her and desire a life with her. What could she give him? Her heart was devastated by her loss and the violence in her past. She couldn't help herself but make sure that no one in her care was wounded and always tried to be of service. At least she would be useful, at least she was useful. At least...  but what could someone like Tommy want in someone who was just being useful? who wasn't in the loop of things? Who wasn't a gangster or just... a woman of the world? Tommy had ambitions and Grace's background was important and helped him secure a position. What could a black orphan woman give him? What could he even want from her? The intrusive thoughts filled her head and made the young woman cry harder. She blamed herself for her own misery, thinking that it was foolish of her to expect a man like Tommy to fall for a woman like her, and because of their latest argument, he didn't want to talk to her. And because he was so far away, vulnerable to his seizures and suicidal thoughts, she couldn't be there for him. Ultimately, she just wanted to be there... to help...to comfort him. Wasn't it ironic, to have these thoughts while she was crying? 

A vintage's touch: I have failed her

A vintage's touch: I have failed her

// Because I love me some Arthur. he would have a hard time after Mary's assault. 

xxxx

Arthur lit a cigarette and took it to his lips. his face was sunken, hardened by the anger and the stress that had overwhelmed the eldest Shelby. he couldn't sleep, not after the debacle that was Mary's assassination attempt by that cunt "Archie" or "Archer" whatever. Arthur wasn't in the mood for pleasantries, to be honest, ever since he learned that Mary survived an attack, he was on the verge of giving in to his old demons once again. Linda had returned to his life and helped him return to health but it was so fragile and his resolve was paper thin. To know that he almost lost Mary and he wasn't even there to protect her opened old wounds. The hallucinations he couldn't have when he was torched up by alcohol, he had them in nightmares. Memories of the war crept back up, reminding him of the horror humans could inflict on other humans. He remembered the dead bodies, some still in one piece but filled with bullets, while others were torn apart by bombs and other war machines. Memories of his late brother, John, one of the very few people on this bloody Earth who could understand what they went through. He still remembered his sweet and young face, so pale after life had left his body, at peace maybe... at peace at last... He still remembered wanting to avenge him and then join him in death because how else could he keep going?  Memories of a dying Grace, being held by a crying Tommy resurfaced and the guilt of that day strangled him again. 

Arthur had failed his family. He had failed Grace, John, and his comrades who fell during the War. He had failed Mary. She needed help and protection and on that day, he was so drunk that he gave her inexperienced Peaky Boys to look after her. his blood boiled upon learning that she had to use a gun and later on, a knife to kill her assailants. Because of Arthur, because of his inability to care for the people he loved, Mary was forced to kill with her hands. She was a nurse! She, who was never supposed to kill, had to because of his negligence and drunken stupor. Arthur apologized to her, and in her good grace, she forgave him, even going as far as to tell her that it wasn't his fault.  Arthur then talked to Tommy, hoping that he would be reprimanded instead and that his brother would make him pay for his mistake. Tommy did, but not in the way Arthur expected him to. He told him that he should have had his head straight on that day, that when he was out of town, the safety of his family fell upon Arthur. He told him to get his fucking head together and stay sober. however, he didn't lash out at Arthur. he didn't even get angry at him. however, there was a clear sign of disappointment and that was what got the Shelby. Arthur felt worse because he disappointed Tommy and it didn't sit well with him for more than a week. 

"Arthur....Do you understand that this is not going to help you?" -Mary's voice tore him off of the silence he forced himself into- "Hey... Look at me. I'm right here."

"I can see you just fine, lass. I'm just, not right in me head that's all." -He wanted to sound dismissive but Mary saw right through him. She pinched the bridge of her nose and gently fell on her knees, so she could hold onto the hand that was on his lap. Arthur looked at her, his tired blue eyes softened at the sight of the young woman. 

"Arthur. You have to let go of your guilt. it's going to eat at you, it's going to hurt you more than anything else. What happened wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known about the attack."

"I have failed you, Mary! I have failed you! There's no excuse for this! I was drunk out of me head! and look what that brought! I almost lost a sister again." He lamented. She held onto his hand tighter and shook her head. "Tommy doesn't trust me anymore. I'm useless..." She shook her head again. 

"I trust you, still. I need you still. He needs you, Arthur. Don't you dare think that he doesn't! he can't do this on his own. So I beg of you, get yourself together, stop blaming you for what happened to me. I'm here, I'm fine and I'll be safe. We'll be even more careful." She took a deep breath. "Promise me, Arthur. promise me that you will try your best to stay sober this time." She cupped his cheek and gently pressed a kiss on the back of his hand. "And that you'll be there for Tommy. Okay? I need you to be here for Tom. He needs you."

Arthur swallowed a lump and puffed some smoke. He wanted to promise. He wanted to be the man he knew both Tommy and Mary needed but it was difficult for him. So instead, he gently stroked Mary's hair and helped her stand back up on her feet. He stood up too and gently grabbed her shoulders. Mary swallowed a lump and nodded, understanding that he would be doing what she told him to. He pulled her into a hug and she held onto him as hard as she could. She was there for him too and somehow, this alleviated a bit of his pain. 

A vintage's touch: Low-Hanging fruit.

A vintage's touch: Low-Hanging fruit.

// These two. ugh... I love them so much. Get ready for Arthur's thoughts and finally  Mary's. 

Can't wait to get to our drama-juicy era :p for now, he only has to deal with this one.  You're awesome as my Tommy N. always has been. always will be :D 

xxxxx

How could he make her understand? How could he let Mary know that all she believed in were lies? Lies she told herself about him. Lies she told herself. Lies she was told about him.  He wished he knew the answer to his question -he did!- and he wished she could understand without any explanation from him -he knew she couldn't.- Lizzie was faster than he could ever be and she had poisoned Mary's mind with her lies... well.. were they? Tommy knew how he treated Lizzie. With her, things were transactional, as they have always been. While she became a good friend and ally of the Peaky Blinders and the Shelby family, she wasn't even close to becoming a lover. She wasn't Mary, that much Tommy could acknowledge.  She wasn't the woman that had haunted his sleepless nights, nor the one he wanted to find once he returned home. She wasn't the woman whose smile made his heart tingle and his knees weak. She wasn't the woman who had stirred desire in his loins, let alone the one now sleeping by his side.  Mary was. Mary was the only reason he hadn't already offed himself. She kept him together after the loss of Grace and the loss of John. She kept him together even now...with her lovely lullabies she sang to him sometimes, to the warmth of her arms wrapped around his frame. Mary and her gentle efforts to get to know him better, and her comforting presence in the life of his son. Their son.... Mary was...Mary was... 

How could he make her understand? how could he let Mary know that she wasn't a commodity. She wasn't there to replace grace. She wasn't there to replace Lizzie. She wasn't a novelty nor a whore he would be using to empty his sacks. She was a woman he... A woman he... A woman he... He groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing full well he couldn't finish his trail of thoughts. Deep down, Tommy knew what he felt for the nurse. He was in love but it scared him to be. He didn't want a repeat of the same tragedies that had followed him since he was a teenage boy. He didn't want to lose Mary to Death so it was easier to keep his feelings to himself, and to show his love in a way that only she could understand. Well, did she? Did she? Of course not! If she understood how he felt for her, Mary wouldn't have freaked out the way she did because he didn't pick up the phone. She wouldn't have thought he didn't give two fucks about her well-being. She wouldn't have thought he didn't care whether she was alive or dead. It was a lie, a web of lies and only had the answers and only he could appease her fears. Could he blame her? Mary had never known love in her life, and the only time she could have, her child was taken from her. Could he blame her for wanting to ensure he felt the same way as she did? Not really, but he wasn't ready. He couldn't take the risk of losing her and go through the same thing all over again. So what to do? What to do? 

TB: Hooked on John

 Sara was hooked on John. It was a simple fact. It was the easiest fact to be honest. She had welcomed him from the very first time they met (except, back then, she was also afraid because dude was scary). Still, her ability to talk her way out of trouble somehow brought them closer than she could ever expect and the two bonded quite easily, quite deeply, quite unhealthily. 

Sara is well aware that being this attached to someone, this fast could not benefit her in the long run. It never did with her exes but she couldn't really resist the extraordinary pull Homelander had on her. It was as if they were made for each other and the more they spent time together, the more it confirmed that they were, indeed, meant to be. 

It wasn't obsession, but more of a sensation of having found one's family and someone who could anchor the other in this life. It was the sensation of having found the right person, the one who would be a ride or die. It was the perception of having found the love of one's life that tied them together. They were finally understood, finally loved for who they were and both were perfectly happy with it. Sara's world was a small one. There use to only be Dotty (her manager and mother figure) and herself. Now she added Homelander and Ryan. the rest of the world could crumble for all she cared. She was happy with the three most important people in her life.

xxx

Sara's partners have at least two things in common: 

"Their smile" and "their intense gaze": Sara has always been unable to resist people who could focus their attention on her like her exes did. She could barely resist people with an intense smile. Tara had the prettiest of them all it was warm, inviting and incredibly sexy because she knew how to use it. Brett used to be the one with the most intense gaze she'd ever met. 

that was before she met with Homelander. John surpasses every single one of them with his charisma, his intensity and his goddamn beauty. needless to say that Sara just can't get enough of him. it is what it is!

xxxx

John: 

Well, John is Homelander and Homelander is John. However, his alter ego (brunette, thanks to a brown dye she bought him and with a scruffy beard), allows him to be more of himself. It's the way they found to be able to do mundane things without the world clocking that he's Homelander and she's Unnamed Girl. Sara and John love to spend time together, doing very simple things that don't ask too much efforts for the both of them. 

Sara is helping John handle this alter-ego thing since she's used to doing it. He's slowly getting used to it and would enjoy more and more being an absolute prick to whoever tries to bother his girl (and him for that matter) without repercussions.

xxx

"You're all always happy when he come to your rescue but you always have something negative to say about how he does it!

He could have been doing a billion things instead of saving you, but when he does, suddenly it's "you should have done this or that" or "not my American Hero." oh piss off... piss all the way off! 

There would be a day I would tell him not to bother with anyone anymore and we'll see who is going to save you when he's not around."

GoT: "Betrothed"

Betrothed. 

The princess and the knight were betrothed. Coming to the realization that her dream had come true,  Bäahal couldn't help herself but smile at her reflection in the mirror. Bäahal had tilted her head to the side and was enjoying the memories of the morning. Jaime and she finally expressed their love for each other. Her body was still hot from their previous romp, her cheeks were dark from the blood that had rushed there and her breathing was still labored. Moments ago, the knight had ravaged her body, he had explored and claimed every single crease and curve of hers and she had enjoyed it. She had explored him too, allowing her hands to wander over his hard frame, his curly blonde locks, his beard, and his chiseled chest. She allowed her fingers to explore his body and his hard length with her fingers, her mouth, and of course, her moist core. It was the first time the princess actually made love, the first time she allowed a man to touch and claim her. 

She could barely register the emotions she was going through. Joy, of course, excitement, lust, and probably satisfaction. It was a wonderful experience. One she wanted to repeat as soon as possible and this new hunger put a smile on her lips. Jaime was such a kind man. He cared for her throughout the whole communion. He cared for her feelings, her emotions, her sensations, and her pleasure. He made sure she knew she had control and could call things off if she wanted to. He let her decide for herself, make demands, reclaiming her agency and that had been the best gift she'd ever had. Jaime... was beautiful. For the first time in her life, Bäahal took the time to look at a man, to see the little things that made Jaime who he was, the scars, the creases, the curves of his ass, the way his waist felt when she held onto it. She loved to see how strong her beloved was, how passionate, feverish, and ultimately how vulnerable he was too.  He was such a wonderful man and she was the lucky woman who was betrothed to him. 

Daenerys blessings were such a relief for the princess. She wouldn't have to worry about her union being accepted by her family but would only have to focus on the rest.  The smiling face of the princess slowly became somber as reality settled. They still had to hide her survival until the traitors who launched a siege against her were tried and punished by the queen. They still couldn't go out, or organize a banquet for their betrothal. They would have to face a huge backlack given Jaime's bad reputation and the deep hatred Westerosis felt for him. Bäahal knew that the months leading to their wedding would not be the easiest and she would have to take her responsibilities and act as her rank demanded. They had to be perfect to the outside world, so no one could ever say that the knight brought dishonor to the princess. 

Betrothed.

It was a bittersweet situation because the princess couldn't fully enjoy it but it was still better than anything she had ever known. Her heart, body, and soul belonged to Jaime Lannister and they both had decided to lace their lives together. What else could she dream of? It was all that she had ever wanted and she would fight to keep it that way.

Doya: you saved me.

"You saved me, Dean. You certainly did. I was so determined to die in the line of duty, hoping that somehow it would absolve me of my sins. I thought I was responsible for my mother's death, for my brother's and my father's. I used to carry the guilt over my shoulder, hoping that somehow, killing the monster that took my mom and brother's lives would somehow, make it even. I thought that I couldn't be loved again because I had nothing but sorrow to give. I was mistaken. I was so mistaken but at the time, I couldn't see it. Then you came and Team Free Will and suddenly I had a second chance at life. I had people who cared for me. I had people who loved me.  Dean...The years spent in your company healed me. I found pleasure in being alive again and reasons to keep fighting for and to stay alive. I found my new home in you and Team Free Will and... I found out that I could be loved, just for myself. 

You saved me, Dean. I don't know how to express the way I feel but you gave me a second chance and I want to make the best of it. we have our slice of apple pie and it's a beautiful life, doing things we love to do. Helping people, killing monsters... That's the family motto, that's our life and we get to do it together. I count my blessings and I know that I'm lucky, I'm lucky to have you. I'm lucky to have found you and you know that I accept everything about you, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I accept the kids you had before we met and I will accept you as you are. With you, I can be myself. I don't need to pretend. I don't need to toughen up. I don't need to lie. I just need to be. With you, I can relax! I know I will have crippling nightmares at night, but I also know that your arms would be wrapped around me. I would not be alone. You'll be here, with me.  You saved me by loving me and that's why I'm so proud to be your wife. You've always been it for me Dean. You've always been my happily ever after and you will always. So... how about we go and slay the beast? what say you, partner?"

Klasma: Disgust

Klasma: "Disgust." 

(It's a little flash forward. It takes place after Klaus' rescue.)

Neela looked at her shoulder. It was still healing from the injury inflicted upon her by the werewolf she fought a couple of days earlier. It stung, more than the witch had ever wanted it to hurt but it reminded her of her own mortality, and in a way she welcomed the wounds and the pain caused by it. She was alive, after all, and the curse could not take it away from her. Her golden eyes set upon her reflection in the mirror and the witch found herself biting at her bottom lip. It had happened again, after all these decades spent hidden and in control, Nëela let her anger take the best out of her. During the rescue, the only desire she had was to decimate her enemies and rescue Klaus. In the midst of the fire, she could have hurt Klaus himself if she had not been brought back to reality. How could she still be storing that much anger? How could she still be a danger to those around her? 

Her eyes swelled up and she could feel tears quickly fill them. Was it what her curse had reduced her to be? A bloodthirsty creature that could only feel relief when she inflicted pain? She had no remorse during her rampage, quite the opposite. She was elated by the sounds of pain and agony she earned by her actions because, to her, her enemies were the recipients of her pain. She was happy because they would feel what they made her feel when she thought Klaus had abandoned her. Still, that part was true today. It was also true that the witch hated to give in to her impulses and wreak havoc. All this blood, all this pain... It didn't make her feel good once her hunger was satiated. Instead, she felt shame. She wanted to crawl back into the darkness and keep her power in check.  Did that make her a monster? Her reflection thought so, given the tears that were now rolling down her cheeks. Nëela ran her hand through her curly pink locks, holding a fistful of hair before she slowly started to sob. She was a healer, yet she couldn't stop killing wherever she went. She couldn't stop because she had to defend herself and those she loved.

"Was it the real curse you cast on me, Supreme? Did you want to force me to take lives rather than save them? You must be laughing where you are... laughing because you force me to lose myself a little more every day...."

She whispered to her reflection before the hand that was holding her hair gently laid against the glass. It wasn't her loneliness nor the fact every single creature would reject her. It was the fact she would have no choice but to kill if she wanted to survive. The whole point was to make her life a living hell where she would be forced to go against her very beliefs in order to stay alive. how cruel of a punishment. How cruel...

-TBC-