Baahal x Jaime : The next morning

Baahal x Jaime: The next morning

A/N: Just projecting here. I don't know how their conversation would end up, but I still wanted to explore Bäahal's emotions after the « big reveal ».

XXXX

« You've just fallen in love with a stupid man. » -Jaime's voice still echoed in her head. At this moment, she was already on her knees, crying her soul out because she couldn't contain her heartache.-

Jaime wasn't stupid. Impulsive? Yes. Stubborn? Yes.. but he always tried to protect those he loved. He always tried to make sure they were safe and since he fell in love with the Targaryen princess, he tried to do the same. He tried to push her away from him, believing that it was the right thing to do. He didn't want to act on his feelings, didn't want her to know she was haunting his dreams because the moment she would, she wouldn't be able to move forward. At Highgarden, the princess' confession really came across as a slap in the face. It was unexpected and tormented the knight.

At this moment, he chose to ignore his feelings for her, to give her a fighting chance at life, and in doing so, he broke her heart. In doing so, he broke his, but wasn't he used to it already? To not having what he wanted? To be in a very one-sided relationship, as it was with Cersei? He readily gave up on love, because all he saw at this instant was the trouble he would get her into. Bäahal's life had already been a life full of suffering and he wanted her to have peace and quiet, and to find someone who could love her...someone better than he could ever be. But Casterly Rock proved him wrong. The Siege proved him wrong. The princess's feelings for him proved him wrong.

She loved him, to the point of dying with his name on her lips. She loved him, to the point of crying herself to sleep at night because of her heartbreak. She loved him... to the point of wanting to hide her feelings for him so she could still protect him. She loved him... So when they spoke again, he confessed too, taking the risk to ruin his own efforts at keeping her in a distance. So much was said that night, mixed feelings of pure unadulterated joy and unshakable fear. So much was said, but so little time was given for both to recover from such a sucker punch. When they parted ways, the princess tried to tend to her own daily routine and focus on recovering. That night, she couldn't sleep. She turned around on her bed, her exhausted mind filled with words, her heartstrings being pulled by the maelstrom of emotions she was feeling at the time.

First came the realization that he returned her feelings. He was in love as well and for the first time in a long while, she sighed in relief. She relaxed enough to enjoy the steady heartbeats, the ones that always got faster when you thought of a loved one. For the first time in her whole existence, she felt a strong connection with someone who wanted to take care of her and protect her. This feeling was undecipherable for the princess who didn't know how to handle such joy. She didn't really know how to express her joy but knew that she reached a level of peace she couldn't have dreamed of.

«I know I said I would always fight for us, and I meant my words... but...I just realized that we are up against everything. »

She whispered to herself. Her violet eyes were wide open and stared at the richly decorated ceiling. There wasn't a soul in all Westeros and overseas that didn't hate the Lannisters. There wasn't a soul in all Westeros who didn't wish for Jaime to be dead. When she visited the kingdom, most people cheered on her because the bitch Cersei was dead, but most resented that her brother had been pardoned by the queen. Bäahal had to explain that he did fight to protect the living and for a long while he had been atoning for his past sins. She defended him when they brought her father to the conversation, stating that Aerys II, needed to be stopped and she could care less about an oath to a king when thousands of vulnerable people were to be sacrificed.

People hated Jaime Lannister and he was aware of this. Nobody would want them together and the same people who wanted Jaime dead would want her dead. Not that she cared since someone had already tried to kill her. The hatred went deeper than that, however, and Bäahal knew that nobody in their right minds would agree to them being together, let alone a wedding. She was in love with Jaime Lannister and she wanted everything from that relationship...she wanted to get married to him and nobody else but there was a risk nobody would want them to marry. Nobody would attend their ceremony, nobody would acknowledge their union.

There was a risk, her own sister turned on her for marrying a traitor and someone who was responsible for so much death and sorrow...After all, his family messed with Jon Snow. His family almost killed Bran, and certainly killed Rob, his wife, and Caitlyn Stark. His family forced Sansa to get married to Jeoffrey and suffer at the hand of the young king. They caused a lot of damage, of humiliation.. of pain and suffering for the ruling family to refuse such union. That was the path she chose but would it change anything for her? In the midst of chaos, while she was drifting away with the only purpose to become her sister's protector and devote her whole life to her and Jon Snow, here came someone who cared for her and made her feel alive. He made her feel...

« It doesn't matter to me, Jaime, I told you so before and I will tell you again. It doesn't matter to me. All my life has been a fight and if I have to fight for being happy, then so be it. »

She was determined to fight the whole world if that meant she could be with Jaime. He was a flawed man, he DID horrible things but they all came from a place of love. He soiled his hands with the blood of his victims, just like everyone else in her family did. Be it,  the victims deserved their fate or not. Jon killed his first love, reluctantly so, his very birth and childhood were made of pain and of rejection, except for Aria who loved him despite him being a bastard child. Daenerys left a trail of blood to the throne.. and among those she did kill, she took the life of her first love as well... Bäahal...her whole conception was a heinous crime, her mother was killed because she tried to put her child to safety.. and she did kill people.. rich masters for the sake of the one who owned her..sometimes even killed children, teenage princes or noblemen who purchased her and tried to prove their masculinity through violence. She killed...so she wasn't a saint either, how could she judge Jaime?

The ordeal that lied ahead of them was a heavyweight to carry on one's shoulder, and she understood why Jaime wanted to spare her this tortuous life.. but she was ready and she would fight, despite her fears and the remaining sadness in her heart, she would fight. She would fight.

-TBC-