Jaime rolled on his side, his emerald gaze set upon the curvy silhouette beside him. His eyes took in the divine sight before him. The princess looked unreal, silver hair that shone bright under the moonlight. Amethyst eyes, a color so uncanny it looked like jewels adorning her face. Her smooth and mostly unmarred brown skin he was tempted to kiss all over. Her youthful face, beautifully round with plump lips that asked to be kissed and worshipped. Truly, the princess was otherworldly and overtaken by the urge to cup her cheek, Jaime lifted his maimed am and then realized that only his stump was pressed against her cheek. Baahal didn’t recoil, instead she smiled at him but Jaime felt overwhelmed with self-loathing. What a vile sight that was. A maimed limb over the most beautiful face he has ever seen. Yet she didn’t seem to have issues with it. She didn’t seem to notice. It was only in his head and perhaps that was the worst for Jaime. How could she not see the obvious?
“My love, you seem troubled.” -her gentle voiced forced the knight to focus on her again-
“Yes, princess. I just wonder what drove you to pick /me/ instead of another. Why me? Why an old crippled war veteran rather than a young and dashing knight? Princess… look at me. Truly look at me. I can’t make a reason in my mind other than eyes colored with love or perhaps pity.”
His words felt like a slap in the princess’s face. Did he truly believe that she was oblivious to who he was and how he looked? Did he think she was with him because of pity or a misplaced sense of gratitude? The flash of shock transformed into something sweeter. She understood where he was coming from. Before they met, Jaime was a young and dashing man. He was the most sought after bachelor of the Seven Kingdoms because of his uncanny beauty. He was a skilled knight, who was hard to best in a joust or in a sword fight. He was a skilled lover -at least that’s what he told her the first night he bedded her- one who was able to make his lover melt under his skilled fingers. But he lost his good hand. He lost his golden locks. He aged faster due to worries and pain. Trauma creased his skin, turned his hair darker and left him with a bitterness he had not realized inhabited his heart before.
“Do you sincerely believe I pity you? Do you, Jaime Lannister, believe that I am disgusted with you? That all I see when I look at you is an old decrepit man who deserves my pity? Do you hear yourself? My love. do you hear yourself!”
She sat on the bed, her silver hair cascaded on her chest and back, almost covering her like a thin silver blanket. Her eyes were alight with a fire he was so familiar with. His firecracker. His impossibly beautiful firecracker was positively burning with indignation.
“I did not intend to offend you. I just can’t resolve myself to accept that you chose me….. that you lay with me every night and I can’t hold you like I want to. I can’t touch you like I want to. I can’t show you how good I was in my prime. I wanted to show you, my love, just how good I could make you feel with my good hand. I just… can’t understand why you chose me, when you could have been with younger and more handsome men than me.”
Baahal blinked and put her hands on his chest. She let her fingers run through his beard and then into his hair. He expected her gaze to be full of reproach for speaking such awful words, but he saw none of it. He expected the princess to look at him with eyes filled with pity for him and he saw none of it. Baahal was looking at him with a gaze full of compassion. She understood how he felt, to some extent, because she was self-conscious about her own branding. Iron burned her flesh and marked it with the name and sigil of her owner. It was a reminder that once upon a time, Baahal had been property. She had been used and abused by men who traveled the seas for a piece of her. Yet Jaime had never seen her unworthy of him. He never saw her as beneath him or tainted. He never saw her as soiled and in need of purity.
“To the seven Hells with the young and dashing knights! I do not care for them nor do they move me like you do. If I were looking for that, I would have been married with children ages ago! I am /not/ the women you used to be around. I am not superficial like they are. I chose /you/. I want /you/. I think— no, I know that you are handsome. Handsome is what makes my legs quiver and they do when I look at you.
I see a strong jaw, and green jewels that set upon me anytime you look at me. I see the sun rise with each gaze I catch from you. I feel the sun’s warmth whenever you smile. Dashing man that you are! A man of his word, a man of passion, and a man with a chiseled jaw I never tire to trace with my fingers. A man I saw with different hairstyles, each bringing about a side of him I love. From the long-haired peacock you used to be, I fell for the more mature and experienced knight with shorter hair. I fell in love with the man whose life made him see heaven and hell and yet he pulled back. He came back and he still did the right thing. I see hair I can hold onto, a scalp I can get an easier access too when passion takes over….
Jaime! Come on, my love. Look at me. I am not done yet…”
He had looked down, unable to stare at her while she was talking to him. He could not believe his ears and yet she was genuinely talking to him. She was sincere, he had always known it. After all, the princess only met him after he had lost his hand. But Baahal thought he was handsome. She thought he was even more than what he lacked. Jaime opened his eyes wide and looked at her amethyst eyes. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears and Jaime knew that it only was a matter of time before his adorable crybaby started to cry. A sure sign of her sincerity. She stroked his cheek with her thumbs and slowly lifted his head up so he could sit straight.
“I love you my Golden Lion. All of you. I never saw what you lacked because for me, you were already realized. I have never met the Jaime you used to be. I did not fall in love with the Jaime who could have been. I fell in love with the person you are. I fell in love with the brave man who fought the White Walkers, the man who saved me at the siege, and the man who kissed me in that ship at dawn. I love the man who made me feel desire before even touching me. You haunted my nights from that day and you still do when you are away. I desire you Jaime. “
“ Princess… but—“
“Didn’t you feel his wet I was because of you, my love? Didn’t you hear my moans and gasps and pleads? Didn’t your cock feel how welcoming and hot and wet I was for you?” -she stroked his cheek with the back of her right hand- “ only /you/ can make me moan, only you can make me lose strength in my knees. You are a strong man, with strength shaped by decades of practice and discipline. You are beautiful, with your scars, with your stump, with the proof that you have lived, laughed and lost. You are the most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. With your devastating smiles and your proud gaze. You stand tall. You stand proud.”
Her emotions became hard to hold back. She was so sincere that it was difficult for Jaime not to believe her. tears rolled down her face and he used his valid hand to clean off her face. He pressed a kiss to her forehead in a tender gesture and pulled her into a gentle embrace. She sobbed against his chest and he ran his hand through her scalp, in an attempt to soothe her.
“It must have been so heavy to bear…all this self-loathing. My love. I don’t know if my words soothed your heart but at least they are the truth. I love you. I desire you. I think you are the most handsome man to ever exist. Please… don’t see yourself as someone who lacks and can’t give me what I need because you do. Your love in priceless… your heart is uniquely beautiful and you make me positively obsessed with you. So please… I beg if you. Look at yourself through my eyes rather than what the world wants you to see. Please…”
“I—I will try, Princess.” Was all he could say in hopes to comfort his princess.
Jaime was still processing her words. He was still trying to apply them to him and see past his self-hatred. His beautiful princess was genuine. Her love was bright and her words were true. Perhaps he could try and see himself as the man she said he was. Perhaps he could find some peace in her love. That night he certainly found comfort.
-TBC-
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