TVD: Bruised
"Elijah? in my dreams? you can't even give me the luxury of respite?"
It was enough to yank Asma out of her dream and into reality. She opened her eyes as wide as she could in the pitch-black darkness of her room. she couldn't see anything, so she sat on her bed and outstretched her hand towards the light switch, to turn the light on. A groan escaped her lips and she lowered her head for a brief moment. Her heavy pink curls cascaded onto her chest and belly and curtained her face. A dream... again. Elijah... Again. She shouldn't be surprised to dream of him, since he was pretty much the only person who visited her over centuries, the only contact she had for a very long time. She didn't know how to feel about him after Klaus' revelations. He used her -she kinda figured it out after a while, but it stung hard regardless of what she knew-. Part of her resented him, for toying with her and having so little consideration that he didn't even mention her to his siblings. Was she to be hidden? was she so repulsive that not even the pariah of the whole Earth could at least know her name? She was hurt, deeply so.
Elijah ended up acting as if he was her friend and she somehow, considered him as such. Her crush on him was inevitable, for he was the only company she allowed around herself, but as soon as she realized that nothing other than friendship could come out of this relationship, Asma hoped for them to become friends instead. Yet, even this... even this wasn't given to her. Elijah saw her as a convenience, as a ... tool he could use to protect his family and his love interests, but nothing more. She was nothing. Perhaps the curse was working, perhaps she would forever be unwanted, rejected, and hunted down for the "crimes" she committed. How rich of Elijah to try and use her when he was the reason for her curse and loneliness. How rich of him... to speak of high values and ideals, when he was not above using others. She went along with it because it was better to be used but at least have interactions than to be completely isolated. She went along with it because she wanted to help and he allowed her to feel helpful. His immortality was welcomed and helped her feel less alone. but that was it. that was all.
She was cursed, bruised, and had been tortured ever since by the curse cast upon her. Her anger, which she had in spades, would cause her pain. her sadness, which she never ran off, would cause her pain. Anytime she would feel upset, her body would be set on fire and she would feel as if she was burning at the stake. Pain caused her to be mean, and she had not been above killing. The witch sighed in despair, running her hands over her thick mane to try and breathe better. She had killed. Most of the time, it was to protect herself, because witches would inevitably recognize her and attack -but she learned to better cloak herself, so it had not happened in centuries-. Lycanthropes would find her and would attack and vampires would not spare her, not even Elijah sired vampires. something about her blood being addictive, or perhaps her scent.. something about her unique features or perhaps her ethereal beauty. she was never left alone. Even humans had tried to hurt her in the past and were met with violence.
She had killed and hated each and every death she had caused. She couldn't deny, however, the relief it brought her. the soothing effect it had on her since they paid for all her internalized anger. they paid for her curse, for her pain, for her solitude. they paid with their lives, soaked her in their blood, screamed, and begged for mercy. She never spared them when anger took over. she never could because they never would. she hated it. she hated every moment of it and even more the fact she enjoyed hurting them. it felt like payback, it felt rightful. they tried to hurt her, some even succeeded in hurting her, so it was only fair to give it back to them. to unleash her rage to the world and take their lives as payment. How horrific! how horrible! she was no better than Klaus who slaughtered her family and didn't even remember. who would want to hang out with a murderer eh? who would?
With time, she learned to control herself, avoid unnecessary deaths by hiding better. the fewer people knew who she was, the better it was for Asma who could blend in -as much as possible- until someone decided she was too pretty to be left alone, or she was too mysterious to not investigate her. how exhausting! Asma chewed her bottom lip and wiped away the fresh tears that crept at the corner of her eyes. She deserved it. the pain. she deserved it for all the lives she took and lost. she deserved it for the betrayal of her coven. she deserved to be left alone. she lifted her legs and put her feet flat on the mattress. her arms wrapped around her calves and she leaned her face against her knees. She felt pathetic. Elijah must have been laughing on his way home, with the potions she made to save his family. he must have laughed at her enamored and longing gaze, at her excitement for the crumbs of affection he gave her, at her joyous banter whenever he came to her shop. He must have laughed at her for thinking they were friends.
But what did she have if not the crumbs he gave her? Klaus? Klaus seemed to be interested in her. He seemed to at least appreciate her company and if she was honest, she would say that they had good times together. But Klaus was unpredictable and above all things, he might always be suspicious of a witch who introduced herself by telling him she wanted to kill him before. Klaus was mobile, he would leave her at one point or another and she would end up suffering again from solitude. That was a risk. She was aware of this, but she was drawn to him and couldn't stop wanting to spend time with him. She was feeling something for Klaus, an obvious attraction to the hybrid -she wasn't blind, he was handsome and very magnetic and sensual-, but it went beyond the surface level. Klaus felt like kinship, he was a kindred spirit and he understood her. she understood him, and based on this, there was a familiar sensation she felt whenever they were together. there was the sensation of being home. of being safe. of feeling good. A sensation Klaus could take away from her.
She was bruised, broken in fact. she was hurt, so much so that Asma believed she couldn't be saved. she couldn't be loved. she didn't deserve to be. She was distraught by her loss but even more so by the punishment she felt was unfair. helping other souls wasn't a crime. helping the creature that saved her before, wasn't a crime. yet it was judged as such because of the very nature of who she helped. talk about being unfair... She was determined to help others and save them for it was soothing her and while it was self-serving and selfish, she felt good helping others and seeing their happiness on their faces. she was genuine in her desire to help others but motivated a little more by the prospect of suffering less. She was in pain, but not when she was with Klaus. She was broken, but not when they were talking together..and she knew that there was a chance they hurt each other, because Klaus had hurt his own siblings. he had hurt himself and he could hurt her just so easily. There was a chance they hurt each other because Asma had hurt others, pushed them away, remained cold...oh...there was a chance.
But she would take it either way.
She wanted it.
She wanted him.
