Colby: Paul Colson

"You've been awfully quiet, Mary. Is there something on your mind?"

Tom closed the newspapers he was reading and put it on his lap. Mary was curled into a ball on their bed, and he could see her chest move up and down unevenly. He knew she was upset and didn't need to hear her sobs to guess she was crying.  His mind was already looking for a potential explanation. She tried to muffle a sob and shook her head. 

"I'm fine. It's just a little cold." -Her voice broke down and he pinched the bridge of his nose-

"Mary... I will figure it out so why don't you tell me already?" -He put the newspaper on the night desk near his side of the bed.-

She heard the noise and assumed that he was now focusing completely on her. The nurse bit her bottom lip and wiped the tears that had rolled down her cheeks. She didn't want Tom to see her face, not when it was wet from all the tears she'd been crying at night. She didn't want him to worry about her, especially for something she thought was nonsense he didn't need to bother himself with.  

" Tom..." -She sat on the bed and lowered her head. Her curls fell onto her shoulders and her eyes averted from left to right as she was looking for the right words to say.- " I've never told you about my sweet Paul...I couldn't mention his name without breaking down but we're getting closer to the anniversary of his death and I can't help but think about him and mourn for my son."

"Maybe now is the time to tell me about him." -His voice was softer, as he wanted to encourage her to keep talking. She clenched her fingers onto the sheets, hoping to gather some strength to speak-

"I was a child when I conceived him. My first husband, Carter, lied to me. I was just a little orphan girl wishing to have someone who would love me and he was an old man. He knew what to say to me. He trapped me with promises of love and the idea of having my own family. I believed him. I desperately needed to be loved, Tom. So when I got pregnant, it felt like a blessing to me. The father of my child had already shown his true colors but I didn't care because I knew that this baby would love me unconditionally." She softly smiled to herself and gently rubbed her belly, a self-soothing method to help her calm herself- "I had his life planned, you know? I wanted him to grow up and be able to do anything he would set his mind on. I wanted him to be free and loved, unlike his mother. I wanted to see him grow into a beautiful man who would dote on me in my twilight years... But he was doomed from the start."

Mary started to shake a little harder. She wasn't sure of Tom's reaction to her confession. Aunt Polly knew she experienced such loss and she knew how to comfort Mary. She was the one who literally had to force the truth off of Mary's mouth so she could help her grieve properly. Tom? Mary suspected that he knew already about Paul. It didn't take away from the pain she was experiencing and the shame that still overwhelmed her. It wasn't her fault, none of it was her fault and while Tom's face remained focused on her, he was boiling with rage inside. He knew of Carter Colson, a low-life gangster, a liar who ran away from his duties as a soldier and pretended he was disabled. An older man who preyed upon a child like Mary to satisfy his cruel instincts and depraved desires. 

Tom knew of Mary's distress and loneliness when she delivered her son and stayed by his side when he died. He would have found Carter and would have killed him himself if the man had not been killed already.  To imagine his woman in distress, traumatized by the loss of her child, alone when she delivered that baby with the help of the nuns who hated her guts? It made him furious.  Little did Mary know, Tom had already met with the nurses who raised her and threatened the old hags to behave well with the children under their care otherwise, they would hear from the peaky blinders. Mary held onto the sheets as hard as she could to prevent herself from crying again. 

"He was the perfect baby boy I have ever seen, Tom. He was so beautiful and so small and so full of life. When I held him in my arms, I knew that this was true love. I was the happiest. His skin was light brown, and he had some hair on his head, wavy little curls I ran my fingers through. I was lucky enough for him to open his eyes... Little hazel eyes who looked at the world with curiosity. And then... A nun told me that he was defective and he wouldn't live for an hour. Suddenly, the bliss I was feeling turned into a nightmare. My perfect angel was going to die. I was denied a happy life. I couldn't say anything. I was alone with him, his father was god knew where. the nuns had left the room. I was alone and I was crying my soul out. My boy was going to die and I watched him, I kissed him, I hugged him for 30 minutes before he closed his eyes and stopped breathing." -She let out a tear-jerking moan, unable to resist the pain that had tore into her soul.-

She cried and it was Tom's cue to pull her into a hug. He couldn't watch her in pain without doing anything to comfort Mary. His calloused hands stroked her back and his other hand stroked her hair. He planted a few kisses on top of her head to bring her some more comfort. She held onto his tank top and cried into the once-dry fabric of his top. She had never had the support she deserved until she met with the Shelbys and he knew how deeply it scarred her. Not so long ago she broke down whenever a baby was in the same room as her. Not so long ago, she would become silent around her son's anniversary. Not so long ago she didn't know how to react when Charlie called her Mother. 

"I'm here..." -He whispered while he kept her safe in his arms-

"I thought God had forsaken me, Tom. I thought... I thought.."

"It wasn't your fault, Mary. You shouldn't have been alone. Your husband... I'm glad he's dead because if he wasn't, I would have put a bullet through his head for what he made you endure. He left you alone when you needed him the most. he left you to deal with losing your child, to bury him on your own, and to flee because of his lies.  He made you suffer and he convinced you that you were cursed when you're not. You're not." He cupped her chin and pulled it up so she would look him in the eyes.- "It wasn't your fault, Mary. I know that you were the best mother he could have had in the short time you spent together. I know it because you're the best mother for our son." -He pressed a kiss to her forehead again- "You are not what the nuns and your former husband wanted you to believe. Don't ever believe their lies. Don't ever believe their fucking lies, you hear me?"

She nodded, unable to speak. Her green eyes set upon his blue gaze and she found the answers to questions she didn't even know she had asked. Tom was empathetic. He recognized her pain, he had already seen Aunt Polly going through the same motions. He had lost loved ones too before so he knew how distraught the young woman was. He could see she was blaming herself, could hear it too but his eyes were telling the truth. It wasn't her fault! It would never be her fault.  She was a victim of a predator, a victim of sociopathic nuns. She had been let down by people who should have loved her and cared for her in her formative years and despite this pain, despite the horrors she experienced, here she was giving her love and affection to his family... their family. Here she was, a devoted mother to their son, a caring woman to him... Here she was, loving with all of her might despite the world having thrown sticks and stones at her. He admired that about Mary, her resilience, her kindness... He admired that about her and despite her turmoil, Mary could see it in his eyes. His love.... his care...his admiration. And she found comfort in his arms on that dreadful night.