Colby: There it was

There it was, a smile at long last! 

Mary rarely smiled, not even when she was outside acting like the headmistress of the Grace Institute. Only children could witness her warmth and kindness. Only a few could catch her smiling when she was in a good mood. Arthur did, once, and Polly managed to see some more but it was Tommy who saw her smile the most. With him, Mary was vulnerable. She allowed him to see her at her lowest. She allowed him a lot of things. 

But even when she had a smile plastered on her face, the trained eye could see she was hiding something more sinister. A pain that was not explained. A pain she would stifle and bury as she refused to talk about it. 

A pain sometimes caused by Tommy Shelby and his longer absences. A pain caused by the memories of her son, a poor soul that joined the angels. A pain caused by her first husband and the horrific circumstances of their meeting, wedding, and his death. 

Mary felt forsaken by God. She grew up believing that she was hated by him and had to repent for the sin of her birth. She believed that any pain and trauma she experienced was payback for her existence. She sometimes still feels as if she shouldn’t be there or shouldn’t be loved and yet….. yet…she kept a smile on her face. She held onto her life and the people who made it worth living. She kept fighting for her redemption. 

There it is, at long last a smile on her face!