(Mary - PB)
"I remember when you asked me why I wanted to jump right back into this life. Right there, you were standing a few feet from me. You were smoking, and your jaw was tense. you ran your hand through your hair. I saw the conflict in you at this moment. You wanted to keep me close, but you also wanted to protect me from this life. Perhaps, I should have known by then that you were in love with me and just weren't ready. I guess I was frustrated and scared and maybe I should have been explicit that night.
Fuck, I'm scared. I'm scared, okay?! I am in love with you. Everyone knows it.....Including you! I'm sure you do. I just don't want to replace Grace. I don't want you to think that I want to replace your wife, because I don't. I am me. I am Mary. I am that Orphan girl who grew up in an abusive orphanage run by sadistic nurses. I am that teen who got married way too early to a liar and a gross older man. I am the mom of a child who didn't have the chance to live more than 30 minutes. I drink to forget. I sing to forget. Who would want to be with a woman like me? I know you can't possibly want me and I don't want to be upset or heartbroken.
Fuck! I'm scared. I'm scared okay? Because I know you are reckless with your life. You're burning it so fast. I don't want you to burn to a crisp. I need you, Tommy. I need you...I love you. I...just... I'm frustrated because I don't know what you want. I want to give you everything. I want to become your wife. I want to have your child...Am I asking too much? is it something you actually want? I don't know what you want, you don't let me in. Not fully, that is. You don't have to, but l please, don't let me pin it for you. Don't let me believe in things that would never be.
I remember that conversation we had at my birthday dinner. You trying your damn best to understand this very simple thing. I want a life with you, Tommy. I want a life with you because I am in love with you and yet, I am losing my mind because I am convinced that Polls is wrong and you don't share my feelings. I guess... I'm just frustrated... I guess."
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