A vintage's touch: I have failed her

A vintage's touch: I have failed her

// Because I love me some Arthur. he would have a hard time after Mary's assault. 

xxxx

Arthur lit a cigarette and took it to his lips. his face was sunken, hardened by the anger and the stress that had overwhelmed the eldest Shelby. he couldn't sleep, not after the debacle that was Mary's assassination attempt by that cunt "Archie" or "Archer" whatever. Arthur wasn't in the mood for pleasantries, to be honest, ever since he learned that Mary survived an attack, he was on the verge of giving in to his old demons once again. Linda had returned to his life and helped him return to health but it was so fragile and his resolve was paper thin. To know that he almost lost Mary and he wasn't even there to protect her opened old wounds. The hallucinations he couldn't have when he was torched up by alcohol, he had them in nightmares. Memories of the war crept back up, reminding him of the horror humans could inflict on other humans. He remembered the dead bodies, some still in one piece but filled with bullets, while others were torn apart by bombs and other war machines. Memories of his late brother, John, one of the very few people on this bloody Earth who could understand what they went through. He still remembered his sweet and young face, so pale after life had left his body, at peace maybe... at peace at last... He still remembered wanting to avenge him and then join him in death because how else could he keep going?  Memories of a dying Grace, being held by a crying Tommy resurfaced and the guilt of that day strangled him again. 

Arthur had failed his family. He had failed Grace, John, and his comrades who fell during the War. He had failed Mary. She needed help and protection and on that day, he was so drunk that he gave her inexperienced Peaky Boys to look after her. his blood boiled upon learning that she had to use a gun and later on, a knife to kill her assailants. Because of Arthur, because of his inability to care for the people he loved, Mary was forced to kill with her hands. She was a nurse! She, who was never supposed to kill, had to because of his negligence and drunken stupor. Arthur apologized to her, and in her good grace, she forgave him, even going as far as to tell her that it wasn't his fault.  Arthur then talked to Tommy, hoping that he would be reprimanded instead and that his brother would make him pay for his mistake. Tommy did, but not in the way Arthur expected him to. He told him that he should have had his head straight on that day, that when he was out of town, the safety of his family fell upon Arthur. He told him to get his fucking head together and stay sober. however, he didn't lash out at Arthur. he didn't even get angry at him. however, there was a clear sign of disappointment and that was what got the Shelby. Arthur felt worse because he disappointed Tommy and it didn't sit well with him for more than a week. 

"Arthur....Do you understand that this is not going to help you?" -Mary's voice tore him off of the silence he forced himself into- "Hey... Look at me. I'm right here."

"I can see you just fine, lass. I'm just, not right in me head that's all." -He wanted to sound dismissive but Mary saw right through him. She pinched the bridge of her nose and gently fell on her knees, so she could hold onto the hand that was on his lap. Arthur looked at her, his tired blue eyes softened at the sight of the young woman. 

"Arthur. You have to let go of your guilt. it's going to eat at you, it's going to hurt you more than anything else. What happened wasn't your fault, you couldn't have known about the attack."

"I have failed you, Mary! I have failed you! There's no excuse for this! I was drunk out of me head! and look what that brought! I almost lost a sister again." He lamented. She held onto his hand tighter and shook her head. "Tommy doesn't trust me anymore. I'm useless..." She shook her head again. 

"I trust you, still. I need you still. He needs you, Arthur. Don't you dare think that he doesn't! he can't do this on his own. So I beg of you, get yourself together, stop blaming you for what happened to me. I'm here, I'm fine and I'll be safe. We'll be even more careful." She took a deep breath. "Promise me, Arthur. promise me that you will try your best to stay sober this time." She cupped his cheek and gently pressed a kiss on the back of his hand. "And that you'll be there for Tommy. Okay? I need you to be here for Tom. He needs you."

Arthur swallowed a lump and puffed some smoke. He wanted to promise. He wanted to be the man he knew both Tommy and Mary needed but it was difficult for him. So instead, he gently stroked Mary's hair and helped her stand back up on her feet. He stood up too and gently grabbed her shoulders. Mary swallowed a lump and nodded, understanding that he would be doing what she told him to. He pulled her into a hug and she held onto him as hard as she could. She was there for him too and somehow, this alleviated a bit of his pain.