A vintage's touch: There is no one at the other side of the phone

 A vintage's touch: There is no one at the other side of the phone

// Finally I am exploring a little bit of what we discussed a while ago. Just felt like trying my hand at it. it's angsty though... very. poor darlings. 

xxxx

#Tuuuuuut Tuuuuuuut.....#

The phone kept ringing in the dark. There was no one on the other side of it because Tommy didn't pick it up. How many times had Mary tried to reach out to him? How many times had she told the telephone operator to keep trying? She had lost counts. The rare times she was able to have someone, it wasn't Tommy but rather the butler or handmaid who was working on his room at the time, all saying the very same thing, just a variation of "He's not there." "He's just left" or even "He will call you back, he's in a meeting." Still, Mary called, worried sick about Tommy and overwhelmed with a feeling of powerlessness. Tommy was out of reach. She had no way to know how he was doing. He didn't write to her or send a telegram or anything really that could have appeased her mind. Instead, she was met with silence. 

#Tuuuuuuuut Tuuuuuuuut#

With each ring of the phone, Mary's lips trembled and she could feel her eyes slowly filling themselves with unshed tears. Tommy had made it clear. He didn't want to talk to her. he didn't want to let her know how he was doing. He was shutting her out. She slowly moved the phone off of her face, to wipe some tears that threatened to roll on her cheeks and she bit back a sob. Her eyes shifted from left to right and she tried to clear her throat but no other sound came out of her mouth. Instead, the phone operator took back the call and gave her a very apologetic: "I will have to end the call Mrs Coulson. There is obviously no one on the other side of the phone." before she ended the call and left Mary with nothing but silence for company. 

The nurse felt her heart break and she tightly clutched at her shirt. What could she do if not just sit and accept that Tommy didn't want to talk to her? He had been absent for months now. While his body only left the house for a month, his mind had already been away for months now. It coincided with his admission of having seizures, which happened only after Mary had witnessed him have one. Ever since he seemed to be elusive. He left often, they didn't speak much, and he sheltered himself from her. At first, the nurse tried to get him to talk to her, but the more she did, the more he withdrew within himself, forcing her to stop. She learned all she could about seizures and asked doctors she knew how best she could help a loved one going through one. She tried to find a way to give him support but it didn't work. Then, a couple days before he went on a business trip, Tommy came back home. 

It was a rainy day and he was soaked with water as he pushed the door of their home open. That night, while they argued because Mary was worried he would catch a cold and get sick, he simply told her that he thought about suicide. He was ready to jump off of a bridge and even saw his late wife in the water. The revelation acted like a bomb. it decimated everything inside her heart, especially the idea that he could have had feelings for her. Ultimately, he saw his late wife, the love of his wife and he wanted to join her. Ultimately, who was even Mary to try and form a romantic bond with Tommy? Ultimately what use could he have of her love for him? Mary didn't say anything, but from that day she tried her best to keep her feelings out of her interactions with Tommy. She acted as if she was yet another maid as if she was only there to look after him and Charlie. He saw the change in demeanor. He saw the pain in her eyes and worst of all, he realized that he had hurt Mary and pushed her deeper into the web of lies she kept telling herself. That was why he became even more distant, that was why he didn't take her calls (well, some of them, the others he couldn't). He didn't know how to fix the situation and make her hurt less. Mary ended up believing that he had no feelings for her and didn't even care about her. 

#Tuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu....#

As she sat in the silence of the room, Mary covered her mouth to muffle her sobs as she finally let it all out. how could she believe that Tommy would fall for her? Why did she believe that anyone could? at this point, she was being delusional into thinking she had a second chance at life and that perhaps she could find happiness in this house, with these people who were her home. Tommy couldn't possibly love her when he had lost the woman he loved the most: Grace!  Tommy couldn't possibly look at her and desire a life with her. What could she give him? Her heart was devastated by her loss and the violence in her past. She couldn't help herself but make sure that no one in her care was wounded and always tried to be of service. At least she would be useful, at least she was useful. At least...  but what could someone like Tommy want in someone who was just being useful? who wasn't in the loop of things? Who wasn't a gangster or just... a woman of the world? Tommy had ambitions and Grace's background was important and helped him secure a position. What could a black orphan woman give him? What could he even want from her? The intrusive thoughts filled her head and made the young woman cry harder. She blamed herself for her own misery, thinking that it was foolish of her to expect a man like Tommy to fall for a woman like her, and because of their latest argument, he didn't want to talk to her. And because he was so far away, vulnerable to his seizures and suicidal thoughts, she couldn't be there for him. Ultimately, she just wanted to be there... to help...to comfort him. Wasn't it ironic, to have these thoughts while she was crying?