Tommy couldn’t sleep. What use could he have of sleeping when Mary was in danger? He had been trying to find the moment her protection failed as a way to ensure it would never happen again. Mary had to kill, her pretty hands, made for saving lives were used to take them away. He could understand the way she felt, he could understand the fact she was shaking when he reached out to her, her eyes blank, her lips trembling, and dried tears on her face. She seemed to be doing better, at least he noticed she was slowly returning back to her old self, still solar, still warm, still… her. For a brief moment, he realized that she could have been gone. Not physically but mentally. She could have been changed for the worse and turned into a colder version of herself. But instead, she remained as he knew her. To his wonder and relief. Mary acted out of love for Charlie. She wanted to protect the child and she did it. Love guided her hands and perhaps that love was what saved her soul. He didn’t know. He asked Polly In his sleep but Polly didn’t answer him. Mary was alive. She was shaken but she was still here, with him. Still, he couldn’t sleep and ended up shifting on the bed and standing up. Mary rolled on her side and opened her eyes, setting them on the Shelby’s strong back.
“Can’t sleep?” He nodded and felt her shift on the bed and sit on it, her feet flat on the floor. “…..” she sighed and stood up, closing the distance between the two of them. “Mr. Shelby. I think you are overthinking. Today was a good day. And tomorrow will be.” She wrapped her arms around his chest, allowing her hands to rest against his pecs while the older man dropped his head and slowly but surely put his hands over hers to keep her there.
Mary leaned her head against his shoulders and took a deep breath. She would not push him too hard tonight but she would reassure him. She could feel his heartbeats become faster and harder and knew how tense Tommy was at this moment. Her lips pressed soft kisses to his neck and she said in a soft voice. “I can’t begin to imagine how worried you must be right now, afraid that another tragedy will happen and you end up losing everything again. I— know that you wonder if you and me make sense. If you didn’t put me in danger…. If you didn’t curse me. You have not. I don’t know a lot of things Tommy Shelby, but I know that you and me…. We make sense. We didn’t anger God. We didn’t anger Grace. She wanted someone to care for Charlie and for you. I am here. I will always be watching after my two beautiful boys.” She felt his hand squeeze onto hers harder after she mentioned Grace but he didn’t want to let her go. She could tell that was the kind of squeeze.
“ you are right about something, Mary. I wouldn’t know what to do if you were dead. I need… the only thing that kept me sane all these fucking years was you. I would have lost it….” She blinked and moved her eyes from left to right as she felt her own heart sink. Tommy was open, at least enough for her to see he was telling the truth. He meant these words and for the first time in her life, she felt wanted. Not in the innocent and childish way of Charlie, but in the mature way of his
Father.
“You speak… you speak as if I was thinking about leaving you behind. Not on my watch, Tommy. I need you way too much to let go. You made me feel wanted, desired… you made me feel like myself after so long. I was in a fog, Tommy. A fog since my child died. I felt that my life meant nothing and that I would be better dead. That the world would be. But I met you and you destroyed those stupid thoughts, one at a time. I can see and feel clearly now. I am not in a fog anymore…. I am here. With you. With Charlie.” She pinched her lips together and felt him slowly turn around to face her.
“Mary…” he cupped both of her cheeks and kissed Mary. It was a passionate kiss, a desperate one as he needed to feel her. He was brutal in the way his lips pressed to hers, refusing to slow them to breathe and forcing Mary to struggle a bit with him so he could take a few steps back, break the kiss, and fall to his knee. She noticed the unshed tears in his eyes and felt her own eyes be imbued with hers.
“Stay.” That was all he could manage to say. He couldn’t ask her to leave him because it was too long of a sentence and his throat was gagged. He couldn’t explain properly how he felt and that was frustrating him. His brain was working twice as fast and there were a million things he wanted to say. But Tommy ended up muttering and begging for one word. His arms were open, inviting the nurse to come and hug him and she did. Of course, she did. Mary went and closed her arms around his shoulders and placed her hands on his head. She cuddled him, her face pressed to his head while she stroked his scalp. He could hear the heartbeats of the woman, strong, calm, soothing and he could wrap his own arms around her waist, keeping her close to his frame while his heart cried tears he couldn’t shed. She was everything to him. Everything that kept him alive and together. Everything was good he couldn’t let go of. She was his. And he was hers. That much he knew. That was all he needed to know tonight.
No comments:
Post a Comment