Sara ran her fingers through her hair in an attempt to self-soothe. All these years, so carefully crafted to suit her needs went down the drain after one encounter. Was she this fragile? Sara claimed that she overcame the need to be loved and cared for. She loved to claim that she was stronger than they gave her credit for and that nothing and no one could hurt her like Brett and Tara did. She convinced herself to have a thicker skin and reinvent herself well enough to be able to withstand any attack sent her way. Yet, she lied. She was still needy. She was still demanding attention and affection from others. She was still the child exploited by her parents, the teen abandoned at an orphanage, and a young woman abused by her exes...
Her biggest fear was to be alone, to die alone... To lose the love of her life because of something she did or said. Everyone in her life had left her behind. Her parents were the first to abandon her. Did they even love her? If they did, they never showed it to her. If they didn't she wouldn't be surprised given how cold they always were with her. She had to perform to please them and she did her best (including hurting herself) to make them smile. Mallory, her first girlfriend, escaped the orphanage and left her behind. Tara grew bored of her and dumped her without a warning. She was never pleased with Sara unless she went above and beyond for her. She always put her down any chance she got. And Brett? Brett hated her. She now realized that. He manipulated her, kept putting her down, and abused her, violently so. Even he fucking left her. So why wouldn't Homelander? Why wouldn't John?
She pinched her lips together and kept tucking her hair behind her ear. it worked, and after a while, she finally calmed down. How ridiculous it was. Why would her relationship with John sour? He loved her.. he didn't say he did but she could tell he felt the same thing as she did. He cared for her. He protected her. Sara didn't have to hide her true nature or change herself to please him and he didn't need to pretend either. There always was some bravado, she could understand that, but he was more and more himself as time went by. Why would she be worried about it? She was Sara Richardson! She was a megastar! She was loved! She was scared... She was terrified about being left behind once again...Fuck!
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