I was once told that comfort and routine would make us forget the dangers of our job. For a while, I was scared of it. Of being so comfortable in my life that I would forget how it felt to lose everything. I have a family...I have a family and it took me a while to realize that comfort didn't make me forget the dangers of this life. If anything, now I have something to lose.
I can't forget the fear that sticks to my bones as I fall asleep. I can't forget the fear of losing my boys... How could I go on without Cas, Sam, and "Chuck forbids", Dean? How could I go on without the people I love? I know I can't and just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. Just thinking about it, makes me choke on my spit. I do not want this to become a reality.
Happiness, especially the little corner of joy we managed to have with Dean and me, is rare. It is rare and fragile and fleeting and we have to protect it at all cost. We have to sacrifice so much just for a day spent together.
This is the reality! Routine and comfort only make you freak out more.
This is the reality.
This is my reality.
I am always afraid to lose them.
Always...
Even in my sleep.
No comments:
Post a Comment