GoT (modern): Spiraling out of control

GOT (modern) : Spiraling out of control: 

Bäahal looked at her reflection in the mirror. Her mascara had run down her cheeks from the tears she cried earlier on. Her makeup was messed up, with some of the lipstick being smudged all over her face.  She looked at her cheeks, the bruises on her upper lip, the bruises on her arms and feet. It looked as if she had been in a fight but it was her own doing.  It was her competitive dancing that took her to such a dark place.  Frustrated with the way things were in her life, the heiress decided to give her all during her latest performances. She would jump higher, kick harder, roll, and fall onto the ground without any restraint, like a wild animal cornered by its predator. Her father, had he been alive, would have been worried about her. He would have asked his daughter why she was hurting herself doing something she loved. She would have yelled at him, maybe even hit his chest before finally, the young woman would have cried in his arms and told him what was aggravating her heart like that. But her father was dead. Her older brother was dead and Kyra and Jaime were too busy to be there. 

She wept that night, after one too many rough moves. She wept as soon as she came back home, covered in bruises, blood, and sweat but with a trophy in her hand. She came back at the earliest hours of the day, barely making a noise so she wouldn't wake her siblings and the dogs sleeping at that hour. She came back and started to undress as if she was peeling layers of herself until she reached the mirror. There she started to look at the "battle wounds" of the day, figuring out how much she had lost and how far gone she was. As the adrenaline of the competition started to wane off, Bäahal was now filled with dread and disgust. She hated her reflection. She hated the way she looked in the mirror. She hated the evidence of her carelessness and willingness to hurt herself. It made her weak. It made her vulnerable. It made her loathe herself some more and that was when she started to cry and try and muffle her painful moans with her hand which smudged her makeup. Why was she hurting herself this way if not for the impossible situation she found herself in. 

Loving a Lannister was forbidden. It was akin to betraying her family. Loving one and befriending the other was only making things worse. Daenerys would do her best to destroy this relationship if she knew, and Viserys? He might have been on a redemption path, his hatred for the Lannisters and his deep love for his parents would always precede any sliver of reason he might have. He would become violent again and this time, he would be legitimate in his anger.  Her extended family, which already didn't like her and did their best to kick her out of the family would take it as another reason to actually make it happen.  Besides, who among the Lannisters, would actually accept her? Loving Bäahal would only bring problems to Jaime and Kyra and Bäahal didn't want that to happen to them. Perhaps, she should just... leave. Maybe if she left, everybody would be happy, wouldn't they? Her family would finally be able to ignore her. Jaime and Kyra would be safe from the consequences of loving her. Perhaps, Jaime would meet someone better than her and Kyra could befriend someone actually good. 

As Bäahal cried harder, she couldn't help but think about how much she wanted to share her life with her friends. How tired she was of hiding the truth. How tired she was of keeping her emotions to herself. How she longed for an official dancing career. How she wished to be able to invite her friends to her galas and competitions. She thought about how much she wished for a simpler life, where she would be happy with her friends, her family, and her lover. Was it asking too much? It started to look like this for her. It started to look as if she would carry the guilt of her father on her shoulders, all of her life. Maybe, she didn't deserve to be happy. Maybe... She didn't deserve to be loved... Maybe. She should just be happy with the way things were... Hidden... Frustrating...Lonely.  Maybe...

-TBC-